The graph below gives information about the preferred leisure activities of Australian children.
Sample Response
The graph shows the preferred leisure sctivities of Australian children aged 5-14. As might be expected, it is clear from the data that sedentary pursuits are far more popular nowadays than active ones.
Of the 10,000 children that were interviewed, all the boys and girls stated that they enjoyed watching TV or videos in their spare time. In addition, the second most popular activity, attracting 80% of boys and 60% of girls, was playing electronic or computer games. While girls rated activities such as art and craft highly – just under 60% stated that they enjoyed these in their spare time – only 35% of boys opted for creative pastimes. Bike riding, on the other hand, was almost as popular as electronic games amongst boys and, perhaps surprisingly, almost 60% of girls said that they enjoyed this too. Skateboarding was relatively less popular amongst both boys and girls, although it still attracted 35% of boys and 25% of girls.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct spelling Original: sctivities Suggested revision: activities Why it matters: The word activities is misspelled.
- 2. Avoid unsupported ranking Original: the second most popular activity Suggested revision: a highly popular activity Why it matters: Electronic games rank second for boys but are approximately level with other activities among girls.
- 3. Remove subjective reaction Original: perhaps surprisingly Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: Task 1 should report the visual evidence objectively rather than characterize a result as surprising.
- 4. Report the exact figure Original: almost 60% of girls Suggested revision: 60% of girls Why it matters: The bar for girls' bike riding is shown at 60%.
- 5. Remove redundancy Original: relatively less popular Suggested revision: less popular Why it matters: Less already expresses the comparison, making relatively unnecessary here.
- 6. Correct boys' figure Original: 35 Suggested revision: 40 Why it matters: The skateboarding bar for boys is at 40%, not 35%.
- 7. Sentence rewrite Original: As might be expected, it is clear from the data that sedentary pursuits are far more popular nowadays than active ones. Suggested revision: Overall, watching TV or videos was universally popular, while the widest gender differences appeared in art and craft and electronic or computer games. Why it matters: The chart has no time comparison and does not support the broad claim that sedentary activities were far more popular than active ones.
- 8. Sentence rewrite Original: Of the 10,000 children that were interviewed, all the boys and girls stated that they enjoyed watching TV or videos in their spare time. Suggested revision: All boys and girls participated in watching TV or videos, the only activity shown at 100% for both groups. Why it matters: The visual provides percentages but gives neither a sample size of 10,000 nor evidence that the children were interviewed.
Suggested Rewrites
- sctivities activities
- the second most popular activity a highly popular activity
- perhaps surprisingly Delete
- almost 60% of girls 60% of girls
- relatively less popular less popular
- 35 40
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is fluent and efficiently compares boys' and girls' preferences across all five activities, using varied vocabulary and mostly accurate figures. Its main limitation is Task Achievement: the claim that 10,000 children were interviewed is unsupported by the visual, several values are slightly understated, and the overview overgeneralises the contrast between sedentary and active pursuits. Prioritise an evidence-only overview that identifies the strongest gender differences and shared preferences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
All five activities are covered with useful gender comparisons, but the overview is overgeneralised and several details are unsupported or slightly inaccurate.
Base every claim on the chart and foreground universal television viewing alongside the largest gender differences.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response moves smoothly from the overview through each activity, with comparisons integrated coherently into a compact structure.
Split the long detail paragraph at a natural thematic point to make the comparison pattern easier to scan.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is flexible and specific, including effective expressions such as sedentary pursuits and creative pastimes, despite one spelling slip.
Proofread key task words such as activities and avoid evaluative wording like perhaps surprisingly in an objective report.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of sentence structures is used accurately, and complex comparisons remain clear throughout.
Keep the strong grammatical control while trimming occasional parenthetical phrasing that adds no factual value.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below gives information about the preferred leisure activities of Australian children.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.