The table gives information about department and online stores in Australia in 2011.
Sample Response
The yielded table compared department stores and online stores by four criteria, namely number of business, profit, sales revenue and growth in Australia in 2011. Profit and sales revenue measured unit was Australian dollar (aus)
Overall, it can be seen that online stores were ahead of the department in the yield of all categories.
For department stores, the total business number was 67, while the average profile was 807 Australian dollars. Moreover, 12700 AUS was the revenue of sales in domestic shops. The growth of these shops was only 4%.
For online stores, due to a digital preference, the total business number was far more than department stores on account of 368. Sales revenue was 13500 AUS which had more 700AUS than offline stores. Furthermore, no big difference was seen in profit it was 863 AUS. Furthermore, if we look at growth, it had 6% growth.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use standard reference Original: The yielded table Suggested revision: The table Why it matters: 'Yielded' is not used to introduce a table in this context.
- 2. Use present tense Original: compared Suggested revision: compares Why it matters: Present simple is conventional when describing what a visual shows.
- 3. Use plural noun Original: business Suggested revision: businesses Why it matters: A countable total requires the plural noun 'businesses'.
- 4. Repair measurement phrase Original: measured unit was Suggested revision: were measured in Why it matters: The plural subjects require 'were' and the standard phrase is 'measured in'.
- 5. Use correct currency label Original: Australian dollar (aus) Suggested revision: Australian dollars (AUD). Why it matters: Use the plural currency name and its standard abbreviation, and close the sentence with punctuation.
- 6. Name store type Original: the department in Suggested revision: department stores in Why it matters: The comparison is with department stores, not an unspecified department.
- 7. Clarify comparison Original: the yield of all categories Suggested revision: all four categories Why it matters: 'Yield' does not describe the set of measures shown in the table.
- 8. Use natural count phrase Original: the total business number was 67 Suggested revision: the total number of businesses was 67 Why it matters: This is the standard way to report a business count.
- 9. Correct key term Original: average profile Suggested revision: profit Why it matters: The table reports profit, whereas 'profile' changes the meaning.
- 10. Format currency value Original: 12700 AUS Suggested revision: AUD 12,700 Why it matters: This uses the table's value with the correct currency abbreviation and number formatting.
- 11. Use standard collocation Original: the revenue of sales Suggested revision: the sales revenue Why it matters: 'Sales revenue' is the natural compound noun for this measure.
- 12. Use correct category Original: domestic shops Suggested revision: department stores Why it matters: The table labels this category as department stores, not domestic shops.
Suggested Rewrites
- The yielded table The table
- compared compares
- business businesses
- measured unit was were measured in
- Australian dollar (aus) Australian dollars (AUD).
- the department in department stores in
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response is clearly organised and identifies the central pattern that online stores led on every measure. However, it misreads the growth figures as 4% and 6% rather than 0.4% and 0.6%, gives an inconsistent online-sales figure, and uses several awkward expressions; the priority is to verify every value and comparison against the table, then express them in straightforward, accurate sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The overview is accurate and all four measures are addressed, but both growth rates are ten times too high, online sales revenue is misstated, and the response is slightly under length.
Check decimal points and totals carefully, reporting online sales as AUD 13,400 and growth as 0.6% compared with 0.4%.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction, overview and store-specific paragraphs provide clear progression, though linking is repetitive and one profit sentence is run together.
Retain the logical paragraphing but use fewer formulaic connectors and separate each comparison into a properly punctuated sentence.
Lexical Resource
The response uses relevant terms for revenue, profit and growth, but inaccurate choices such as yielded, profile and on account of 368 weaken precision.
Prefer standard business expressions such as number of businesses, average profit, sales revenue and exceeded department stores by 301.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple structures usually communicate the data, but errors in articles, plurals, comparative forms and sentence boundaries occur frequently.
Practise accurate comparison patterns such as was higher than and was AUD 700 more than, while checking plural nouns and punctuation.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The table gives information about department and online stores in Australia in 2011.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.