The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use.
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Sample Response
The two pie chartsTwo pie charts illustrate the Australian household energy consumption and greenhouse gas emissions resulting from this energy usegreenhouse emissions because of the utilization of the energy.
Overall, heating accounts for the largest proportion of all energy use; however, itall energy use, however, it only produces a relatively small proportion of greenhouse gas emissionssmall greenhouse gas emissions. Although other appliances account for a smaller proportion of energy consumption, they generate a much larger amount of greenhouse emissions.
In terms of heating, its energy use is approximately three timesThe percentage of heating is approximately three times the figure for greenhouse gas emissions. The proportion of refrigeration using the energy is 7%, however, generates 14% greenhouse gas emissions. The emissions are twice the proportion of energy usedamount of utilize. Lighting accounts for 4% of all the energy useutilize and it produces 8% of the emissions. Other appliancesThe other appliances account for 15% of energy use and 28% of the greenhouse gas emissions. The figure increases twice.
The percentage of water heating is 30%and is 30% and the figure for greenhouse gas emissions is nearly the same, at 32%nearly the same. Water heatingThe water heating has the largest proportion of all the categoriesfactors contributing to greenhouse gas emissions. The figure for energy consumption for coolingcooling of energy consumption is 2% and it accounts for greenhouse gas emissions is 3%.
Why this response received Band 5.5
文章能够准确涵盖图表的主要特征并包含概括性总结，但在细节对比中遗漏了部分具体数据。主要短板在于词汇误用与较为频繁的句法结构错误，这在一定程度上影响了表达的准确性与流畅度。建议下一步重点加强语法基础训练，特别是改写复杂句与正确使用动名词及连词。
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
任务完成度
文章成功概括了主要趋势并涵盖了大部分特征数据，但部分具体数值（如取暖能源消耗的具体百分比）未能明确呈现。
在描述细节段落时，补充未提及的关键数据，确保所有饼图分类的数据呈现均完整且精确。
连贯与衔接
文章结构清晰，分段合理，但在逻辑连接词的使用上略显机械且存在部分标点与连词混用的现象。
学习使用更丰富的连接词与过渡句，避免滥用分号或用逗号直接连接转折副词 however。
词汇资源
词汇使用较为局限且存在明显的词性误用，影响了表达的准确性与多样性。
注意动词 utilize 与名词 utilization 的正确词性搭配，并积累更多用于描述比例、倍数和变化的同义替换词。
语法多样性与准确性
文章尝试使用了多种句式，但存在频繁的句式结构错误、句子不完整以及双谓语现象。
加强对并列句和从句语法的练习，重点纠正如 and is 30% 或 it accounts for ... is 3% 这类多余或混乱的谓语结构。