The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use.
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Sample Response
The first pie chart illustrates the different percentages of six purposes for energy use in a typical Australian family, while the second chart compares shares of household greenhouse gas emissions in an average homein an average. Overall, heating and water heating account for the biggest proportion of household energy use and greenhouse gas emissionsemission, respectively.
Regarding household energy use, heating ranks firstranks the first with a proportion of 42%, followed by water heating at 30%. By contrast, cooling, lighting and refrigeration use much less energy, accounting for 13% of total, collectively. Moreover, a notable proportion of energy is used bygoes for other appliances, constituting 15%.
According to the second chart, water heating is the largest contributor to household greenhouse gas emissions, representing 32% of the totalrepresenting 32% of total, and this figure is slightly bigger than that for other appliances at 28%. In addition, the shares of heating(15%) similar to that of refrigeration(14%), while the smallest percentages are those for lighting(8%) and cooling(3%)
To sum up, the majority of energy is used for heating and water heating; however, the emissionsheating and water heating, however, the emissions are mainly produced by water heating and other appliances.
Why this response received Band 7.0
文章准确覆盖了两个饼图的主要特征与数据对比,并提供了清晰的总结段落。整体结构逻辑清晰,分段合理,但在个别句式结构和介词搭配上存在小错误。建议进一步加强复杂句型的谓语动词完整性与语法准确度。
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
任务完成度
文章成功概括了主要趋势,准确呈现了各项数据的占比并进行了有效的横向对比。
可以进一步深化能量消耗与温室气体排放之间的对比分析,使特征对比更加突出。
连贯与衔接
段落划分合理,信息衔接自然,逻辑连接词的使用基本恰当。
注意避免结尾段总结信息与开头概述段产生不必要的重复,提升整体行文连贯性。
词汇资源
词汇使用较为丰富且基本准确,能够较好地表达占比、排序和对比关系。
注意部分动词与介词搭配的准确性,如用“goes to”替换“goes for”。
语法多样性与准确性
能够运用多种句式结构,但存在个别结构残缺(如缺失谓语动词)和漏词等语法错误。
写完后认真检查谓语动词的完整性,重点避免出现“the shares of A similar to that of B”这种无谓语的句子。