The pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in Australia in 2010 and 2015.
Sample Response
The pie charts compare the online retail shopping trends in Australia in 2010 with that of 2015. Overall, electronic product, food and furniture comprised the highest percentage of online sales in Australia in both years. According to the illustration, 27% online retail sale in Australia in 2010 was made by electric appliances, which was followed by home furnishing and food & beverage commerce with exactly 22 and 21 percentage respectively. Video games purchased by Australian consumers comprised 19% of total online sales in this year. Finally, gift and book sales accounted 7% and 4% online retail sales consecutively in 2010. After half a decade, electric products’ sales increased by 5% and it comprised one-third of the total online sales in 2015. E-commerce of food & beverage items slightly increased while a nominal decrease could be observed in the trade ratio of furniture. Video games became less popular among Australian online consumers as its sale dropped below half while a surge could be noticed on the gift items' sale ratio. Books as an online retail product were sold more in percentage in 2015 than that of 2010.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix plural reference Original: with that of 2015 Suggested revision: with those in 2015 Why it matters: The plural noun “trends” requires the plural reference “those” rather than “that”.
- 2. Use plural category Original: product Suggested revision: products Why it matters: The category refers to products generally, so the plural form is required.
- 3. Describe shares precisely Original: comprised the highest percentage Suggested revision: accounted for the largest proportions Why it matters: Multiple sectors account for proportions rather than comprise one percentage.
- 4. Add partitive structure Original: 27% online retail sale Suggested revision: 27% of online retail sales Why it matters: A percentage requires “of,” and “sales” should be plural here.
- 5. Name sales category Original: was made by electric appliances Suggested revision: came from electric and appliance sales Why it matters: Sales came from this retail category rather than being made by appliances.
- 6. Match category label Original: furnishing Suggested revision: furnishings Why it matters: The chart category and standard retail expression use the plural “furnishings”.
- 7. Use natural category Original: food & beverage commerce Suggested revision: food and beverage sales Why it matters: “Sales” describes the measured retail share more naturally and precisely than “commerce”.
- 8. Fix unit and comma Original: percentage respectively Suggested revision: percent, respectively Why it matters: Numerals take “percent,” and “respectively” should be separated by a comma.
- 9. Use account for Original: comprised 19% of total online sales Suggested revision: accounted for 19% of total online sales Why it matters: A category accounts for a share of a total; it does not comprise that share.
- 10. Use concise reference Original: in this year Suggested revision: that year Why it matters: “That year” refers back to 2010 more naturally and concisely.
- 11. Add required preposition Original: gift and book sales accounted Suggested revision: gift-item and book sales accounted for Why it matters: The expression is “accounted for,” and “gift-item” clearly identifies the category.
- 12. Use respectively Original: online retail sales consecutively Suggested revision: of online retail sales, respectively Why it matters: “Respectively” maps the two values to the two categories, whereas “consecutively” describes sequence.
Suggested Rewrites
- with that of 2015 with those in 2015
- product products
- comprised the highest percentage accounted for the largest proportions
- 27% online retail sale 27% of online retail sales
- was made by electric appliances came from electric and appliance sales
- furnishing furnishings
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response is strongest in its broad coverage of all six sectors and its generally clear account of the changes between the two years. Its main limitation is that most 2015 figures are omitted and the stated five-point rise in electronics is inaccurate; the priority is to support the overview with exact, well-chosen comparisons, especially the largest increases and decreases.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
A clear overview and broad coverage identify the main sectors and directions of change, but most 2015 values are omitted and electronics rose by six, not five, percentage points.
Include the key 2015 figures and compare the largest rises and falls accurately rather than relying mainly on vague directional descriptions.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report progresses logically from 2010 to 2015 and uses linking expressions effectively, although presenting the entire response as one paragraph weakens its structure.
Separate the introduction and overview from two clearly organised detail paragraphs, while keeping comparisons between related categories together.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a good range of topic vocabulary, but several choices are imprecise or unnatural, including "trade ratio," "sale ratio," and "consecutively."
Use precise chart language such as "share," "percentage points," and "respectively," and avoid substituting awkward synonyms for familiar category labels.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is a useful mix of simple and complex structures, but recurring errors with articles, agreement, plurals, and prepositions reduce grammatical control.
Proofread noun phrases and percentage constructions, using forms such as "27% of online retail sales" and "accounted for 7%."
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in Australia in 2010 and 2015.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.