The table below shows the numbers of same day and overnight stays in public and private hospitals in 5 Australian states for last year. The pie chart below shows percentages of same day and overnight stays in public and private hospitals in the same 5 Australian states.
Sample Response
The table and the pie chart both show last years’ visits to hospitals in Australia. The table shows the number of days that patients stayed at either public or private hospitals, while the pie chart shows the percentage of patients that stayed overnight or left the same day. Both charts present information for the same Australian states, New South Wales, Victoria, Queensland, Western Australia and South Australia.
The table shows the number of days patients stayed at general and psychiatric hospitals in the public and private sectors. The public general hospitals had far more patient days than public psychiatric hospitals for every state, with New South Wales having the highest general hospital patient stays at 5,816 days and South Australia having the fewest at 1,495 days. New South Wales also had the highest public psychiatric hospital patient stays at 281 days, although Victoria had the fewest at 59 days.
Patient days at private general hospitals were highest in Victoria (2,047 days) and lowest in South Australia (560 days). Patient days at private psychiatric hospitals were highest in New South Wales and Queensland at 213 days each, and lowest in South Australia (57 days).
Total numbers were highest for New South Wales (8,323 days) and lowest for South Australia (2,209 days), in line with their population sizes.
The pie chart divides the stays of the patients into overnight stays and same day stays for both private and public hospitals. From the chart it can be seen that the majority of the stays were in public hospitals both overnight and same day stays, both of these taking up 30% each of the hospital stays.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix the possessive Original: last years’ visits Suggested revision: last year's hospital activity Why it matters: The singular possessive year's needs the apostrophe before s, and activity better reflects the visual.
- 2. Name the measure accurately Original: number of days that patients stayed Suggested revision: number of same-day and overnight stays Why it matters: The table counts hospital stays rather than the duration in patient-days.
- 3. Describe percentages accurately Original: the percentage of patients that stayed overnight or left the same day Suggested revision: the percentages of overnight and same-day stays Why it matters: The pie chart divides all stays by hospital sector and stay type rather than classifying individual patients.
- 4. Use a natural noun phrase Original: general hospital patient stays Suggested revision: number of general hospital stays Why it matters: This phrase identifies the measured total more clearly and naturally.
- 5. Name the total Original: numbers Suggested revision: stays Why it matters: Stays states precisely what the totals represent.
- 6. Remove unsupported explanation Original: , in line with their population sizes Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The visual gives no population data to support this causal comparison.
- 7. Introduce the list clearly Original: same Australian states, New South Wales Suggested revision: same Australian states: New South Wales Why it matters: A colon clearly introduces the five states named after the complete clause.
- 8. Correct the measure Original: number of days patients stayed Suggested revision: number of same-day and overnight stays Why it matters: The table records numbers of stays rather than the duration of hospitalization.
- 9. Correct the category label Original: Patient days at private general hospitals Suggested revision: Stays in private general hospitals Why it matters: The visual reports numbers of stays and does not report patient-day durations.
- 10. Apply the thousand unit Original: (2,047 days) Suggested revision: (2.047 million stays) Why it matters: The table heading states that every displayed value is in thousands.
- 11. Apply the thousand unit Original: (560 days) Suggested revision: (560,000 stays) Why it matters: The displayed value 560 represents 560 thousand stays.
- 12. Correct the category label Original: Patient days at private psychiatric hospitals Suggested revision: Stays in private psychiatric hospitals Why it matters: The table counts stays rather than patient-day durations.
Suggested Rewrites
- last years’ visits last year's hospital activity
- number of days that patients stayed number of same-day and overnight stays
- the percentage of patients that stayed overnight or left the same day the percentages of overnight and same-day stays
- general hospital patient stays number of general hospital stays
- numbers stays
- , in line with their population sizes Delete
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response is well organised and uses fluent, accurate language to compare the major state-level patterns and hospital categories. Its main limitation is precision of task coverage: the table figures are presented as individual days rather than thousands of stays, the private pie-chart segments are not reported, and the population explanation is unsupported. Prioritise an explicit overall summary with correct units and complete coverage of the pie chart.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The report selects many important comparisons accurately, but unit handling, incomplete pie-chart coverage, and an unsupported population claim weaken precision.
State that the table values are in thousands, report the 26% and 14% private segments, and avoid explanations not shown by the visuals.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses logically from chart introductions to public, private, total, and pie-chart comparisons with clear paragraphing.
Make the overall pattern explicit near the start and integrate the one-sentence totals paragraph with a related comparison.
Lexical Resource
A flexible and generally precise range of vocabulary describes sectors, hospital types, proportions, and extremes effectively.
Refine recurring phrases such as 'patient days' and 'shows' while preserving the report's clear technical vocabulary.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of sentence structures is used with strong control, and the few grammatical or punctuation slips do not impede meaning.
Correct the possessive form in 'last year's' and streamline the final sentence to remove its awkward repeated structure.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The table below shows the numbers of same day and overnight stays in public and private hospitals in 5 Australian states for last year. The pie chart below shows percentages of same day and overnight stays in public and private hospitals in the same 5 Australian states.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.