The diagram below shows how the Australian Bureau of Meteorology collects up-to-the-minute weather information to produce reliable forecasts.
Sample Response
The report is derived from a diagram illustrating the different algorithms used for reliable weather forecasting by the Australian Bureau of Meteorology.
Overall, as per the diagram, there are mainly three stages: data collection, Data analysis, and data broadcasting. It is clearly seen that weather prediction depends on three various types of data transmission.
Turning to the details, firstly, weather information is collected from space, land, and ocean captured by satellite, radar, and drifting buoys, respectively. After that, images from the satellite are analysed while signals from the radar are monitored by radar screen, and a synoptic chart is prepared from information through drifting buoy. Subsequently, all data were analysed and made ready for transmission. Ultimately, all data is transmitted publicly on television, radio frequency, and telex.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: is derived from Suggested revision: is based on Why it matters: This phrase describes the report's relationship to the diagram more naturally.
- 2. Identify the process Original: different algorithms Suggested revision: process Why it matters: The visual presents stages in weather forecasting rather than different algorithms.
- 3. Use formal phrasing Original: as per the diagram Suggested revision: as shown in the diagram Why it matters: This wording is clearer and more appropriate for an academic report.
- 4. Remove vague modifier Original: there are mainly Suggested revision: there are Why it matters: The diagram clearly shows three broad phases, so 'mainly' adds unnecessary uncertainty.
- 5. Fix capitalization Original: Data Suggested revision: data Why it matters: A common noun within this list should not begin with a capital letter.
- 6. Avoid redundant wording Original: three various types Suggested revision: three types Why it matters: The words 'three' and 'various' are redundant together.
- 7. Use concise sequencing Original: firstly Suggested revision: first Why it matters: The shorter transition clearly introduces the initial stage.
- 8. Clarify the modifier Original: from space, land, and ocean captured by Suggested revision: from space, land and sea via Why it matters: The original modifier incorrectly makes the locations appear to be captured by the instruments.
- 9. Fix preposition Original: monitored by radar screen Suggested revision: displayed on a radar screen Why it matters: Radar information appears on a screen rather than being monitored by the screen itself.
- 10. Fix source phrase Original: information through drifting buoy Suggested revision: information from a drifting buoy Why it matters: Use 'from' to identify the source and add an article before the singular countable noun.
- 11. Fix agreement Original: all data were analysed Suggested revision: all the data was analysed Why it matters: In this context, 'data' is treated as an uncountable mass noun and takes a singular verb.
- 12. Use precise process term Original: made ready for transmission Suggested revision: prepared for broadcasting Why it matters: This wording matches the labelled preparation and broadcast stages more precisely.
Suggested Rewrites
- is derived from is based on
- different algorithms process
- as per the diagram as shown in the diagram
- there are mainly there are
- Data data
- three various types three types
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response gives a broadly clear sequence from three collection sources through analysis and preparation to broadcasting, and its paragraphing makes the process easy to follow. However, it is under length and inaccurately reduces the process to three stages while misidentifying the recorded announcement as telex. The priority is to add a fully accurate overview and cover each analysis and broadcast output precisely from the diagram.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main flow and most major components are reported, but the overview is inaccurate, one broadcast medium is misidentified, and the response is under length.
Describe the four broad phases accurately and include the recorded announcement instead of unsupported telex.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report follows a logical overview-to-detail structure, with clear sequencing despite some mechanical linking and compressed development.
Group the three input-to-analysis pathways distinctly before describing their convergence at broadcast preparation.
Lexical Resource
Process vocabulary is adequate, but imprecise choices such as algorithms, radio frequency, and data transmission reduce accuracy.
Use the diagram's exact functional terms, including collection sources, satellite photo, radar screen, synoptic chart, and recorded announcement.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of sentence forms communicates the process clearly, although agreement, article, number, and tense errors recur.
Maintain consistent present-simple passive forms and check agreement in phrases such as all data are analysed and transmitted.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagram below shows how the Australian Bureau of Meteorology collects up-to-the-minute weather information to produce reliable forecasts.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.