The pie chart shows average monthly student expenditure in the UK in 2016. The bar chart shows sources of student income in the same year.
Sample Response
The pie chart illustrates the average monthly student spending in the UK in 2016. The bar chart compares the sources of student income in the same year.
Overall, the highest monthly expenditure is rent. Continued by food and the rest fairly divided with other costs. Student income are supported by mostly student loans, followed up with family then a part-time job. The lowest income method are from grants and funding.
The monthly student expenditure carrying the burden is rent with a cost of 385 euros, followed up with food with a price of just third compared to rent costing 124 euros. Other miscellaneous spending comes from socialising, travel, bills and other. These spendings range from 51 - 91 euros summing up to a third of the pie chart.
Sources of student income are primarily from student loans with around 81%. The difference between percentages of the runner-up family and a part-time job are mere 1%. In contrast, savings, bank overdrafts, grants and funding are lower with around 40% and above.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Incomplete sentence transition Original: Continued by Suggested revision: This is followed by Why it matters: The phrase 'Continued by' is not a grammatically complete way to start a sentence here.
- 2. Subject-verb agreement error Original: Student income are Suggested revision: Student incomes are Why it matters: The singular noun 'income' does not agree with the plural verb 'are'.
- 3. Incorrect prepositional phrase Original: followed up with Suggested revision: followed by Why it matters: The phrasal verb 'followed up with' is informal and less precise than 'followed by' in this context.
- 4. Subject-verb agreement error Original: lowest income method are Suggested revision: lowest income sources are Why it matters: The singular noun 'method' does not agree with the plural verb 'are'.
- 5. Incorrect currency unit Original: euros Suggested revision: pounds Why it matters: The visual prompt uses the British pound symbol (£), not euros.
- 6. Awkward comparison phrasing Original: followed up with food with a price of just third compared to rent costing 124 euros. Suggested revision: followed by food, which costs £124, roughly a third of the rent. Why it matters: The original phrasing is wordy and grammatically awkward.
- 7. Incorrect currency unit Original: euros summing up to a third of the pie chart. Suggested revision: pounds, summing up to nearly half of the total expenditure. Why it matters: The currency is pounds, and these miscellaneous costs actually sum to £276, which is more than a third of the total.
- 8. Missing article Original: are mere 1%. Suggested revision: is a mere 1%. Why it matters: The singular subject 'difference' requires the singular verb 'is' and the indefinite article 'a'.
- 9. Inaccurate data description Original: around 40% and above. Suggested revision: around 40% or below. Why it matters: The final three categories are all at or below 44%, so 'and above' is misleading.
- 10. Incomplete clause Original: and the rest fairly divided with other costs. Suggested revision: while the remaining amount is divided among other costs. Why it matters: This fragment lacks a finite verb to make it a complete clause.
- 11. Overly dramatic tone Original: carrying the burden Suggested revision: accounting for the largest share Why it matters: Academic writing should remain objective rather than using emotional metaphors like 'carrying the burden'.
- 12. Uncountable noun error Original: These spendings Suggested revision: These expenses Why it matters: 'Spending' is an uncountable noun and should not be pluralized as 'spendings'.
Suggested Rewrites
- Continued by This is followed by
- Student income are Student incomes are
- followed up with followed by
- lowest income method are lowest income sources are
- euros pounds
- followed up with food with a price of just third compared to rent costing 124 euros. followed by food, which costs £124, roughly a third of the rent.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response successfully identifies the main trends and structures the comparison logically, but it is held back by several data inaccuracies, such as using the wrong currency symbol and miscalculating percentage differences. To improve, ensure all units of measurement are transcribed correctly and double-check numerical comparisons against the visual data. Additionally, addressing frequent subject-verb agreement errors will significantly boost grammatical accuracy.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response includes a clear overview and covers the main features, but it contains key data inaccuracies, such as using euros instead of pounds and misstating the percentage difference between family support and part-time work.
Carefully verify all units of measurement and numerical values against the charts before writing to ensure absolute data accuracy.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organized into clear paragraphs for expenditure and income, though some cohesive transitions feel slightly mechanical.
Vary your linking phrases and avoid starting sentences with incomplete structures like 'Continued by'.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is generally adequate for the task, though some word choices and collocations are slightly awkward, such as 'expenditure carrying the burden'.
Focus on using more natural academic collocations, such as 'the largest expense' or 'the primary source of income'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
While there is a mix of simple and complex sentences, frequent subject-verb agreement errors (e.g., 'student income are', 'method are', 'difference... are') reduce grammatical control.
Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, ensuring that singular nouns like 'income', 'method', and 'difference' are paired with singular verbs.