The chart below gives information about global sales of games software, CDs and DVD or video.
Sample Response
The given bar graph shows the sales amount of Games, CDs and DVDs in the world from the year 2000 to 2003. As is observed from the graph, the sales volume of games software increased over the year and CDs were the most sold items in terms of its sales amount among the given items though VDVs slowly replaced CDs. According to the data, in the year 2000, the sales amount of CDs was 35 billion dollars worldwide. In this year the sales amount for DVDs/ Video and games were less than 20 billion dollars. The sales amount of these three items remained almost same in the next year with some increment in the sales amount of VDV and games. Over the year the sales amount of CDs decreased and finally reached to just over 30 billion dollars in 2003. On the contrary, the sales amount for DVD/ Video increased significantly and the amount reached almost near the sales amount of the CDs. Similarly, the sales amount of games increased and reached to over 15 billion dollars in 2003. In summary, DVDs gradually replaced the CDs and games software sales increased for the given period of time.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Natural noun Original: sales amount Suggested revision: sales figures Why it matters: 'Sales figures' is more natural for this bar chart.
- 2. Concise time phrase Original: from the year 2000 to 2003 Suggested revision: from 2000 to 2003 Why it matters: The word 'year' is unnecessary.
- 3. Time phrase Original: games software increased over the year Suggested revision: games software increased over the period Why it matters: The chart covers four years, not one year.
- 4. Plural agreement Original: in terms of its sales amount Suggested revision: in terms of sales Why it matters: This is shorter and avoids an awkward possessive.
- 5. Spelling Original: VDVs Suggested revision: DVDs Why it matters: The product name is misspelled.
- 6. Overstatement Original: slowly replaced CDs Suggested revision: almost caught up with CDs Why it matters: DVD/video sales rose sharply but did not clearly exceed CD sales by 2003.
- 7. Article needed Original: remained almost same Suggested revision: remained almost the same Why it matters: Use 'the same' in this structure.
- 8. Natural phrase Original: with some increment Suggested revision: with small increases Why it matters: This is clearer and more natural.
- 9. No to after reach Original: finally reached to just over 30 billion dollars Suggested revision: finally reached just over 30 billion dollars Why it matters: 'Reach' does not take 'to' before the figure.
- 10. Correct trend Original: DVDs gradually replaced the CDs Suggested revision: DVD/video sales rose until they nearly equalled CD sales Why it matters: CDs were still marginally the highest category in 2003.
- 11. Fix overview Original: As is observed from the graph, the sales volume of games software increased over the year and CDs were the most sold items in terms of its sales amount among the given items though VDVs slowly replaced CDs. Suggested revision: Overall, CD sales were the highest throughout the period but declined gradually, while DVD/video sales rose sharply and games software increased more modestly. Why it matters: This matches the chart and avoids the inaccurate 'replaced CDs' claim.
- 12. Clarify 2001 Original: The sales amount of these three items remained almost same in the next year with some increment in the sales amount of VDV and games. Suggested revision: In 2001, CD sales dipped slightly, while DVD/video and games software both increased. Why it matters: This is shorter and gives the comparison more clearly.
Suggested Rewrites
- sales amount sales figures
- from the year 2000 to 2003 from 2000 to 2003
- games software increased over the year games software increased over the period
- in terms of its sales amount in terms of sales
- VDVs DVDs
- slowly replaced CDs almost caught up with CDs
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response identifies the main trends: CD sales were highest but declined, while DVD/video and games software rose. However, it overstates that DVDs replaced CDs, since CDs remained slightly higher in 2003, and some figures are approximate without enough contrast.
State that DVD/video almost caught up with CDs by 2003, while games software rose more modestly.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report follows the years logically and has an overview plus summary, but it is in one block and some linking phrases are repetitive.
Use separate paragraphs for overview, 2000-2001, and 2002-2003 comparisons.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is suitable overall, but there are spelling errors such as 'VDVs' and repetitive phrases such as 'sales amount'.
Use 'sales', 'revenue', 'figures', 'rose', 'fell', 'remained stable', and 'nearly matched'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar is generally clear, but there are errors with singular/plural nouns, articles, and phrase choice such as 'over the year' instead of 'over the period'.
Proofread plural forms and time phrases, especially when describing multi-year trends.