The bar charts below show the Marriage and Divorce Statistics for eight countries in 1981 and 1994.
Sample Response
The given bar graphs show information on marriage and divorce in eight countries for the years 1981 and 1994. As is observed from the presentation, the marriage rate in all the countries except Denmark decreased over time while divorce rate has increased in five out of eight countries. As is presented in the bar graph, the marriage rate in 1981 in the USA was the highest among the given countries and that was more than 10 per thousand. In other European countries, namely United Kingdom, Finland, France, Italy, Denmark, the marriage rate was around 6 per thousand. Denmark had the lowest rate of marriage in 1981 which was around 5/ thousand. After 15 years the marriage rate decreased in all of the given countries except in Denmark, where the rate increased by almost 2/thousand. The only Asian country Japan had very little changes of their marriage rate. From the divorce statistics, we can see that the highest rate of divorce was in the USA which was more than 4 per thousand. The divorce rate increased in 1994 compared to the rate in 1981 in all the countries except in the USA and Denmark. Italy had the lowest divorce rate among the given countries and there was no change of this rate for the given 2 years in Germany.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Article and tense Original: divorce rate has increased Suggested revision: the divorce rate increased Why it matters: Use the article and past tense for the finished period.
- 2. Specific noun Original: five out of eight countries Suggested revision: five of the eight countries Why it matters: This sounds more formal and precise.
- 3. Task 1 noun Original: the presentation Suggested revision: the charts Why it matters: Use the visual type directly.
- 4. Avoid repetition Original: As is presented in the bar graph Suggested revision: In the marriage chart Why it matters: This specifies which chart you mean.
- 5. Cleaner phrasing Original: that was more than 10 per thousand Suggested revision: at more than 10 per thousand Why it matters: This attaches the figure more smoothly.
- 6. Country grouping Original: European countries Suggested revision: listed European countries Why it matters: This avoids implying all European countries.
- 7. Unit format Original: 5/ thousand Suggested revision: 5 per thousand Why it matters: Use a standard unit expression.
- 8. Year interval Original: After 15 years Suggested revision: By 1994 Why it matters: The period from 1981 to 1994 is 13 years, and the chart year is clearer.
- 9. Unit format Original: 2/thousand Suggested revision: about 2 per thousand Why it matters: Use the standard wording.
- 10. Apposition Original: The only Asian country Japan Suggested revision: Japan, the only Asian country, Why it matters: Use commas for this parenthetical description.
- 11. Agreement Original: very little changes Suggested revision: very little change Why it matters: "Change" is uncountable in this phrase.
- 12. More accurate figure Original: more than 4 per thousand Suggested revision: over 5 per thousand in 1981 Why it matters: The USA divorce rate in 1981 is above 5 per thousand.
Suggested Rewrites
- divorce rate has increased the divorce rate increased
- five out of eight countries five of the eight countries
- the presentation the charts
- As is presented in the bar graph In the marriage chart
- that was more than 10 per thousand at more than 10 per thousand
- European countries listed European countries
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response reports the main trends accurately: marriage rates mostly fell except Denmark, and divorce rates rose in several countries while falling in the USA and Denmark. Some figures are approximate and a few country groupings are broad.
Add more precise figures for the highest and lowest divorce rates and separate marriage and divorce details more clearly.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a clear overview and logical movement from marriage to divorce, but it is one dense paragraph with repeated opening phrases.
Use separate paragraphs for the two charts and reduce repeated phrases like "as is presented".
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is suitable for statistical comparison, though some phrases are awkward or informal, such as "very little changes" and "2/thousand".
Use standard expressions such as "per thousand people", "changed little", and "rose by about two".
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The grammar is generally clear, but errors appear in articles, agreement, and prepositions.
Check singular/plural agreement with "rate" and "changes", and use articles before superlatives.