According to a survey of visitors, the pie charts below show the most common advantages and disadvantages of Bowen Island.
Sample Response
The provided pie charts depict the proportional analysis of merits and demerits of an island, namely Bowen, as per the survey conducted on the visitors.
Although the exorbitant price of living in Bowen is the major challenge, the people and scenery make it a happy stay.
In terms of the disadvantages, half of the pie chart is constituted by the massive living costs, followed by entertainment, which accounts for 25%. The other cons include the weather and the quality of the food, which have recorded a discrepancy of 5%, covering 15% and one in ten of the graph, respectively.
As far as advantages are concerned, the people take a significant proportion, recorded as 42%. The scenery of the island also makes up a moderate contribution of more than a third. In contrast, smaller percentage shares are observed in good accommodation and culture, which have shown resemblance, 11% and 12% orderly.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use direct chart wording Original: proportional analysis Suggested revision: proportions Why it matters: The chart presents proportions rather than an analysis performed by the chart itself.
- 2. Match chart labels Original: merits and demerits Suggested revision: advantages and disadvantages Why it matters: Using the visual's category labels is clearer and more precise.
- 3. Clarify the proportion Original: half of the pie chart is constituted by the massive living costs Suggested revision: high living costs account for half of all reported disadvantages Why it matters: The revision states the category and its share directly and objectively.
- 4. Use percentage points Original: a discrepancy of 5% Suggested revision: a difference of 5 percentage points Why it matters: A gap between 15% and 10% is expressed as percentage points.
- 5. Report the share precisely Original: one in ten of the graph Suggested revision: 10% of the disadvantages Why it matters: Food quality represents 10% of reported disadvantages, not part of the graph itself.
- 6. Use chart vocabulary Original: take a significant proportion Suggested revision: account for the largest share Why it matters: This phrasing accurately identifies people as the largest advantage category.
- 7. Identify the ranking Original: a moderate contribution Suggested revision: the second-largest share Why it matters: Scenery is a major category at 35% and ranks second among the advantages.
- 8. Express similarity clearly Original: have shown resemblance Suggested revision: were similar Why it matters: The original collocation is unnatural for comparing two proportions.
- 9. Use respectively Original: orderly Suggested revision: respectively Why it matters: Respectively correctly links 11% and 12% to accommodation and culture in order.
- 10. Name the island directly Original: an island, namely Bowen Suggested revision: Bowen Island Why it matters: The direct proper name is clearer and more concise.
- 11. Correct survey phrasing Original: as per the survey conducted on the visitors Suggested revision: according to a survey of visitors Why it matters: A survey is conducted among or of visitors, not on them.
- 12. State the ranking clearly Original: followed by entertainment Suggested revision: with entertainment ranking second Why it matters: This makes the category's position among the disadvantages explicit.
Suggested Rewrites
- proportional analysis proportions
- merits and demerits advantages and disadvantages
- half of the pie chart is constituted by the massive living costs high living costs account for half of all reported disadvantages
- a discrepancy of 5% a difference of 5 percentage points
- one in ten of the graph 10% of the disadvantages
- take a significant proportion account for the largest share
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response accurately covers every category, presents a clear overview, and organizes the two charts logically. Its main limitation is language precision: several expressions describing proportions and similarities are awkward or unnatural despite remaining understandable. The highest-priority improvement is to use conventional chart-reporting phrases and cleaner comparative structures so that the accurate data is conveyed more naturally and precisely.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response gives a clear overview and accurately reports all four categories in each pie chart with appropriate key comparisons.
Make the overview more objective by stating that cost of living dominates the disadvantages while people and scenery dominate the advantages.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically from an overview to disadvantages and advantages, with clear paragraphing and generally effective linking.
Use contrast markers only where the relationship is genuinely contrastive and make links between the smaller categories more explicit.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and meaning remains clear, but several collocations such as proportional analysis, moderate contribution, and shown resemblance are unnatural.
Prefer standard chart language such as accounted for, represented, and were similar at when describing proportions and comparisons.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures is used successfully, although awkward clause construction and reference occasionally reduce precision.
Rewrite long comparative sentences with clear subjects and parallel percentage forms, especially when reporting two categories respectively.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
According to a survey of visitors, the pie charts below show the most common advantages and disadvantages of Bowen Island.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.