The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which girls participate.
Sample Response
The pie charts enumerate a survey result which compares the type of cultural and free-time activities boys and girls participate in. At the first glance, boys generally prefer computer games, and outdoor sports while girls mostly participated in activities like dancing, gymnastics and reading. As is presented in the diagrams, more than one-third boys play computer games while one-quarter play basketball. Moreover, nearly one in five boys plays soccer and one-tenth of them like to do skateboarding. It is prevalent from the illustration that boys mostly play games and take part in outdoor sports. The reading habit among boys is very poor as only 2% of them read. Interestingly, listening to music is an activity which is enjoyed by an equal percentage (10%) of boys and girls. Moving to the girls’ activities, playing computer games is not as popular among girls as it is among boys. The most popular pursuits among girls are dancing (27% pick this up) and reading (more than one-fifth are active readers). Among outdoor sports and activity, gymnastics and netballs are common among female children as 11% and 15% participate in these two outdoor activities. Interestingly, the ratio of reading among girls is considerably higher than that of boys.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use reporting verb Original: enumerate a survey result Suggested revision: present survey results Why it matters: Present is the natural verb for introducing information in pie charts.
- 2. Use plural categories Original: the type of cultural and free-time activities Suggested revision: the types of cultural and leisure activities Why it matters: Multiple activity categories require the plural types.
- 3. Fix fixed phrase Original: At the first glance Suggested revision: At first glance Why it matters: The standard introductory phrase does not take the article the.
- 4. Remove unnecessary comma Original: computer games, and outdoor sports Suggested revision: computer games and outdoor sports Why it matters: A comma should not separate two coordinated noun phrases here.
- 5. Keep tense consistent Original: mostly participated Suggested revision: mostly participate Why it matters: The report otherwise describes the chart in the present tense.
- 6. Add partitive preposition Original: more than one-third boys Suggested revision: more than one-third of boys Why it matters: Fractions referring to a group require of before the noun.
- 7. Reflect exact proportion Original: one-quarter play Suggested revision: just over one-quarter play Why it matters: The basketball segment is 26%, slightly above one-quarter.
- 8. Use natural activity verb Original: like to do skateboarding Suggested revision: go skateboarding Why it matters: Go skateboarding is the standard collocation for this activity.
- 9. Use evidence phrase Original: It is prevalent from Suggested revision: It is evident from Why it matters: Prevalent describes something widespread and cannot introduce visual evidence this way.
- 10. Use objective description Original: The reading habit among boys is very poor Suggested revision: Reading is the least popular activity among boys Why it matters: This reports the ranking neutrally instead of judging the habit.
- 11. Clarify equal proportions Original: which is enjoyed by an equal percentage (10%) of boys and girls Suggested revision: enjoyed by equal proportions of boys and girls (10% each) Why it matters: This wording makes clear that each group contributes the same percentage.
- 12. Use participation verb Original: 27% pick this up Suggested revision: 27% participate in it Why it matters: Pick this up does not accurately describe survey participation.
Suggested Rewrites
- enumerate a survey result present survey results
- the type of cultural and free-time activities the types of cultural and leisure activities
- At the first glance At first glance
- computer games, and outdoor sports computer games and outdoor sports
- mostly participated mostly participate
- more than one-third boys more than one-third of boys
Why this response received Band 7.0
The report's strongest feature is its comprehensive and accurate selection of data: it identifies the leading activities, covers nearly every category, and makes useful cross-gender comparisons for music, computer games, and reading. Its main limitation is language control rather than content, with several awkward collocations, article errors, and number-form problems; the priority is to retain the strong comparisons while using more natural statistical phrasing and consistently accurate grammar.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response presents a clear overview, reports nearly all categories accurately, and makes relevant comparisons between boys and girls.
Add the girls' 16% figure for computer games and describe netball and gymnastics simply as activities rather than assuming both are outdoor sports.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report progresses clearly from the overview to boys' data and then girls' data, although all information is compressed into one paragraph and some linking is repetitive.
Use a short overview paragraph followed by separate detail paragraphs for boys and girls, retaining the cross-gender comparisons where they are most relevant.
Lexical Resource
The response shows useful range in describing proportions and preferences, but phrases such as 'enumerate a survey result', 'prevalent from the illustration', and 'pick this up' lack precision.
Prefer natural statistical language such as 'show', 'account for', 'participate in', and 'the proportion of children'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of sentence forms is attempted, but article, plural, tense, and noun-form errors recur in phrases such as 'more than one-third boys' and 'netballs'.
Check articles and quantity structures, using forms such as 'more than one-third of boys', and keep the present tense consistent throughout the report.
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