The diagram illustrates the process that is used to manufacture bricks for the building industry.
Sample Response
The diagram explains the way in which bricks are made for the building industry. Overall, there are seven stages in the process, beginning with the digging up of clay and culminating in delivery. To begin, the clay used to make the bricks is dug up from the ground by a large digger. This clay is then placed onto a metal grid, which is used to break up the clay into smaller pieces. A roller assists in this process. Following this, sand and water are added to the clay, and this mixture is turned into bricks by either placing it into a mould or using a wire cutter. Next, these bricks are placed in an oven to dry for 24 – 48 hours. In the subsequent stage, the bricks go through a heating and cooling process. They are heated in a kiln at a moderate and then a high temperature (ranging from 200c to 1300c), followed by a cooling process in a chamber for 2 – 3 days. Finally, the bricks are packed and delivered to their destinations.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise wording Original: explains the way in which Suggested revision: illustrates how Why it matters: This expresses the diagram's function more directly and concisely.
- 2. Use precise process term Original: digging up of clay Suggested revision: excavation of clay Why it matters: Excavation is a more precise formal term for the first manufacturing stage.
- 3. Use natural preposition Original: onto Suggested revision: on Why it matters: On is the more natural preposition for describing the clay's position on the grid.
- 4. Specify drying equipment Original: oven Suggested revision: drying oven Why it matters: This matches the label in the diagram and distinguishes this stage from kiln firing.
- 5. Sentence rewrite Original: A roller assists in this process. Suggested revision: The smaller clay pieces then pass over a roller. Why it matters: This states the roller's place in the sequence more explicitly.
- 6. Sentence rewrite Original: Following this, sand and water are added to the clay, and this mixture is turned into bricks by either placing it into a mould or using a wire cutter. Suggested revision: Following this, sand and water are added to the clay, which is then shaped into bricks either in moulds or with a wire cutter. Why it matters: The parallel passive structure clearly shows the two alternative shaping methods.
- 7. Sentence rewrite Original: They are heated in a kiln at a moderate and then a high temperature (ranging from 200c to 1300c), followed by a cooling process in a chamber for 2 – 3 days. Suggested revision: They are first heated in a kiln at a moderate temperature of 200°C–980°C and then at a high temperature of 870°C–1,300°C, before being cooled in a chamber for 48–72 hours. Why it matters: The diagram gives separate temperature ranges for the two firing stages, so one combined range is inaccurate.
- 8. Group stages clearly Suggested revision: Separate clay preparation and shaping from drying, firing, cooling, packaging and delivery in two body paragraphs. Why it matters: Grouping the early and later stages would make the process progression easier to follow.
Suggested Rewrites
- explains the way in which illustrates how
- digging up of clay excavation of clay
- onto on
- oven drying oven
- A roller assists in this process. The smaller clay pieces then pass over a roller.
- Following this, sand and water are added to the clay, and this mixture is turned into bricks by either placing it into a mould or using a wire cutter. Following this, sand and water are added to the clay, which is then shaped into bricks either in moulds or with a wire cutter.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response covers the complete manufacturing sequence in a clear chronological order, and its controlled passive structures make the process easy to follow. The main limitation is reduced precision in the firing stage: the diagram gives separate moderate and high kiln ranges, while the response collapses them into one broad range. Reporting the moderate range as 200–980°C and the high range as 870–1300°C would make the account fully faithful to the visual.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The overview and detailed account accurately cover every stage, both shaping alternatives, and the main timings.
State the separate moderate and high kiln temperature ranges rather than combining them into one span.
Coherence and Cohesion
Sequencing is consistently logical, and cohesive markers guide the reader smoothly from clay extraction to delivery.
Divide the detailed sequence into preparation and firing paragraphs to make the stage grouping more visible.
Lexical Resource
Process vocabulary is varied and precise, including accurate terms for equipment, shaping, heating, cooling, and delivery.
Use drying oven rather than the broader oven to match the diagram's label exactly.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Passive forms and complex clauses are varied, accurate, and well suited to an objective process description.
Maintain this control while presenting the two temperature ranges in a compact parallel structure.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagram illustrates the process that is used to manufacture bricks for the building industry.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.