The diagram below shows the process by which bricks are manufactured for the building industry.
Sample Response
The diagram delineates data regarding how bricks are produced in the industry of construction.
Overall, there is a total of 3 main stages, namely digging, processing and processing and packaging, which include seven sub-stages. In addition, the second is the core phase, where the bricks are formed physically and by heat.
First and foremost, clay collected by a digging machine is filtered with a metal grid on a roller machine and mixed with sand and water. In the third stage, this mixture is either kept in a wire cutter or mould to make the shape of bricks.
Secondly, the accumulated bricks undergo a drying process from 24 to 48 hours in an oven before being contained in a kiln at both moderate and high temperatures ranging from 200C to 1300C and ending up in a cooling chamber for another 48 – 72 hours. Finally, the complete bricks are packaged for delivery.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural reporting Original: delineates data regarding how Suggested revision: illustrates how Why it matters: Illustrates how is a natural and concise way to introduce a process diagram.
- 2. Use standard phrase Original: industry of construction Suggested revision: construction industry Why it matters: Construction industry is the conventional noun phrase.
- 3. Spell out number Original: 3 Suggested revision: three Why it matters: Small numbers are conventionally written as words in formal prose.
- 4. Remove repeated stage Original: digging, processing and processing and packaging Suggested revision: digging, processing and packaging Why it matters: Repeating processing makes the stage list unclear.
- 5. Clarify collective reference Original: which include seven sub-stages Suggested revision: which together include seven sub-stages Why it matters: Together makes it clear that the three main phases collectively contain seven smaller stages.
- 6. Use sequence marker Original: First and foremost Suggested revision: Initially Why it matters: Initially signals the first chronological step more precisely.
- 7. Use precise process verb Original: collected by a digging machine Suggested revision: excavated by a digger Why it matters: The diagram shows clay being excavated by a digger rather than merely collected.
- 8. Correct grid sequence Original: filtered with a metal grid on a roller machine Suggested revision: passed through a metal grid onto a roller Why it matters: The visual shows the clay passing through the grid and then falling onto the roller.
- 9. Correct shaping methods Original: kept in a wire cutter or mould Suggested revision: cut with a wire cutter or placed in a mould Why it matters: The visual presents cutting and moulding as alternative shaping methods, not containers for storing the mixture.
- 10. Use concise verb Original: make the shape of bricks Suggested revision: form bricks Why it matters: Form bricks expresses the shaping action clearly and idiomatically.
- 11. Continue the sequence Original: Secondly Suggested revision: Next Why it matters: Next fits the continuing multi-stage sequence more accurately than Secondly.
- 12. Name shaped bricks Original: accumulated Suggested revision: shaped Why it matters: Accumulated does not describe the bricks after they have been cut or moulded.
Suggested Rewrites
- delineates data regarding how illustrates how
- industry of construction construction industry
- 3 three
- digging, processing and processing and packaging digging, processing and packaging
- which include seven sub-stages which together include seven sub-stages
- First and foremost Initially
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response follows the manufacturing sequence clearly and covers every major stage from clay extraction to delivery. Its main weakness is imprecise wording around the overview and brick-forming stage, including the repeated stage label and the suggestion that material is kept in a cutter or mould. Prioritise a cleaner overview and exact process verbs so the accurate visual information is expressed without ambiguity.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
All major stages and the key time and temperature ranges are included, despite an unclear and partly inaccurate overview.
Summarise the process as a linear sequence and state distinctly that the bricks pass through moderate and then high-temperature kilns.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses in process order and uses paragraphs effectively, although some stage labels and sequencing expressions are inconsistent.
Use stage references consistently and avoid switching from 'first' to 'third' and then back to 'secondly'.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient process vocabulary and some less common wording, but several collocations are inaccurate or unnatural.
Use precise process verbs such as 'passed through', 'cut', 'moulded', 'dried' and 'fired' instead of 'kept' or 'contained'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a mix of simple and complex structures, but awkward clause construction and article or preposition errors recur.
Improve control of passive structures and parallel forms, especially when describing the two alternative brick-shaping methods.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagram below shows the process by which bricks are manufactured for the building industry.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.