The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton.
Sample Response
The line graph shows the percentage of tourists to England who visited certain Brighton attractions between 1980 and 2010. We can see that in 1980 and in 2010 the favourite attractions were the pavilion and the festival. In 1980 the least popular attraction was the pier but in 2010 this changed and the art gallery was the least popular.
During the 1980s and 1990s there was a sharp increase in visitors to the pavilion from 28% to 48% and then the percentage gradually went down to 31% in 2010. The trend for the art gallery was similar to the pavilion. Visitors increased rapidly from 22% to 37% from 1980 to 1985 then gradually decreased to less than 10% over the next twenty-five years. The number of tourists who visited the Brighton Festival fluctuated slightly but in general remained steady at about 25%. Visitors to the pier also fluctuated from 1980 to 2000 then rose significantly from 12% to 22% between 2000 and 2010.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Specify four attractions Original: certain Suggested revision: four Why it matters: The graph explicitly presents four attractions, so naming the count improves precision.
- 2. Punctuate contrast Original: the pier but in 2010 Suggested revision: the pier, but in 2010 Why it matters: A comma is needed before the coordinating conjunction joining two independent clauses.
- 3. Correct the period Original: During the 1980s and 1990s Suggested revision: From 1980 to 1995 Why it matters: The pavilion rose to its peak in 1995 and declined thereafter, rather than increasing throughout both decades.
- 4. Correct starting value Original: 28 Suggested revision: 24 Why it matters: The pavilion begins at approximately 24% in 1980, not 28%.
- 5. Name the measure Original: Visitors increased rapidly Suggested revision: The proportion of visitors to the art gallery increased rapidly Why it matters: The graph measures percentages, so the revised subject states the metric precisely.
- 6. Separate sequence Original: from 1980 to 1985 then Suggested revision: from 1980 to 1985, then Why it matters: A comma clearly separates the initial rise from the subsequent decline.
- 7. Use percentage metric Original: number Suggested revision: percentage Why it matters: The vertical axis reports percentages rather than absolute visitor numbers.
- 8. Keep metric precise Original: Visitors to the pier also fluctuated Suggested revision: The percentage visiting the pier also fluctuated Why it matters: Referring to the percentage maintains accurate and consistent measurement language.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: We can see that in 1980 and in 2010 the favourite attractions were the pavilion and the festival. Suggested revision: The festival was the most popular attraction in 1980, whereas the pavilion was the most popular in 2010. Why it matters: The original wording inaccurately implies that both attractions jointly ranked first in both years.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: The trend for the art gallery was similar to the pavilion. Suggested revision: The art gallery also rose initially, peaking in 1985, before falling overall to below 10% in 2010. Why it matters: The two series peaked in different years and followed substantially different paths after 1985.
Suggested Rewrites
- certain four
- the pier but in 2010 the pier, but in 2010
- During the 1980s and 1990s From 1980 to 1995
- 28 24
- Visitors increased rapidly The proportion of visitors to the art gallery increased rapidly
- from 1980 to 1985 then from 1980 to 1985, then
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response selects and reports all four series clearly, using relevant figures and a strong summary of the most and least popular attractions at the endpoints. The main weakness is minor imprecision in timing and values, particularly describing the pavilion’s rise as beginning at 28% and treating the festival as steady at about 25%. Prioritise exact dates and starting values when summarising trends.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview and comprehensive coverage of all four attractions are supported by mostly accurate data, despite a few small numerical imprecisions.
Check the pavilion’s 1980 starting point and describe the festival’s modest decline from 30% more precisely.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is organised into a purposeful overview and a logically sequenced detail paragraph with controlled progression.
Use a clearer grouping principle, such as pairing the two sharply changing lines and the two steadier lines.
Lexical Resource
Trend vocabulary is accurate and sufficiently varied, though some repeated nouns and general verbs limit flexibility slightly.
Vary references to percentages and trajectories while preserving the response’s clear, precise wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A strong range of complex sentence forms is used with high accuracy and only minor punctuation lapses.
Add punctuation at clause boundaries, especially before contrasting clauses and after introductory time phrases.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.