The chart shows British Emigration to selected destinations between 2004 and 2007.
Sample Response
The bar chart delineates the ratio of British people who moved overseas over three years.
Overall, it is immediately apparent from the chart the that highest number of British natives expatriate themself in Australia and Spain was the second-largest destination for them.
In detail, British immigrants chose the country of Australia to begin at 40,000 in 2004, and this amount declined nearby 2000 after one year. Following these, 51,000 people shifted to Australia in 2006, and the ratio fluctuated, limited to approximately 43,000 individuals who got settled in the final year. Moreover, 33,000 people got settled down in the nation of Spain, and this strength remained the same in two years, but a little inclination was observed and plunged to below 30,000 in 2007.
Furthermore, British people were not comfortable to move New Zealand beginning at 22,000 in 2004, but this amount continuously declined, and 20,000 people remained in this country in 2007. therefore in 2004 British people adopt the culture of the USA starting at nearly 23000 thousand, and this value plummeted below the 20,000 in 2005 a small inclination observes at 24,000 and end up with 20,000 of people departure to the USA. Next in France also had fluctuated number of movers started at 22,000 and this value spiked above at 30,000 and took a nose dive again at 19,000 approximately in 2007.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use emigration term Original: immigrants Suggested revision: emigrants Why it matters: People leaving Britain are emigrants rather than immigrants in this context.
- 2. Repair sentence structure Original: chose the country of Australia to begin at Suggested revision: moving to Australia numbered Why it matters: This replacement creates a grammatical clause that reports the initial figure directly.
- 3. Use accurate quantity phrase Original: declined nearby 2000 Suggested revision: declined by about 2,000 Why it matters: Use by to express the size of a decrease and about to mark approximation.
- 4. Fix reference word Original: these Suggested revision: this Why it matters: This refers to the single preceding change, so the singular pronoun is required.
- 5. Report the figure Original: 51,000 people shifted to Australia Suggested revision: the figure rose to 51,000 Why it matters: Shifted is unnatural for reporting the number of emigrants shown by the chart.
- 6. Describe the fall precisely Original: ratio fluctuated, limited to approximately 43,000 individuals who got settled Suggested revision: figure then fell to approximately 43,000 emigrants Why it matters: The chart shows a count falling from 2006 to 2007, not a ratio being limited.
- 7. Use concise chart language Original: got settled down in the nation of Spain Suggested revision: moved to Spain Why it matters: This concise wording accurately describes emigration without the awkward phrasal construction.
- 8. Use figure noun Original: strength Suggested revision: figure Why it matters: Strength does not refer naturally to a numerical value in a chart.
- 9. Qualify similar values Original: remained the same in two years Suggested revision: was similar in the first two years Why it matters: Spain's first two bars are close in height rather than exactly identical.
- 10. Restore logical subject Original: but a little inclination was observed and plunged Suggested revision: before falling Why it matters: The original phrase lacks a subject that can logically perform plunged.
- 11. Remove unsupported attitude Original: were not comfortable to move New Zealand Suggested revision: moved to New Zealand Why it matters: The chart reports numbers and provides no evidence about emigrants' comfort or preferences.
- 12. Describe steady decline Original: this amount continuously declined Suggested revision: this figure declined steadily Why it matters: Figure is the appropriate noun, and steadily describes the year-by-year decrease.
Suggested Rewrites
- immigrants emigrants
- chose the country of Australia to begin at moving to Australia numbered
- declined nearby 2000 declined by about 2,000
- these this
- 51,000 people shifted to Australia the figure rose to 51,000
- ratio fluctuated, limited to approximately 43,000 individuals who got settled figure then fell to approximately 43,000 emigrants
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response covers all five destinations and includes a recognizable overview, with several values and trends reported approximately accurately. Its main limitation is that recurrent grammar and word-choice errors make comparisons awkward, while the overview gives only the ranking of Australia and Spain and misses the broader decline and fluctuation patterns. Prioritize precise comparative language and accurate sentence structures, then summarize the main trends more fully.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview identifies Australia and Spain as the leading destinations, and all five countries are covered, though some figures are approximate and broader trend contrasts are omitted.
Contrast the sustained declines in Spain and New Zealand with the fluctuations in Australia, the USA and France, using the chart values precisely.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response uses a logical introduction-overview-detail structure, but several connectors are mechanical or illogical and the final paragraph becomes difficult to follow.
Group destinations by similar trends and use simple, accurate linking phrases to make each comparison and time sequence clear.
Lexical Resource
There is some range in trend vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations such as references to ratios, strength and adopting culture reduce precision.
Use standard chart language consistently, including figures, emigrants, rose, fell, peaked and remained stable.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of sentence forms is attempted, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, verb forms and sentence boundaries sometimes obscure meaning.
Build shorter comparison sentences with a clear subject and finite verb, then check tense, agreement and punctuation in each one.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The chart shows British Emigration to selected destinations between 2004 and 2007.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.