The chart below shows the number of men and women (in thousand) in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time.
Sample Response
The given bar graphs show data on the British people’s full-time and part-time further education from 1970 to 1991. As is presented in the graphs, more men and women were studying full-time than part-time for the given period. Initially, in 1970 and 1971, about 1000 thousand male were in full-time further education and this number decreased to average 850 thousand for 1980 and 1990. On the contrary, this number for part-time students increased over the time though the number was many times lower than the number of people in full-time education. In 1970, almost 100 thousand people were in part-time education and in next 20 years, this number increased to 200 thousand. On the other hand, in 1970, the total number of females who were engaged in full-time education was 700 thousand and this number increased over time and reached to 11000 thousand in 1990/91 which was even higher than the number of males who were in full-time further education in this year. The female part-time students’ number also increased over time and reached to over 200 thousand in 1990 from the initial number of 20 thousand in 1970. In summary, females made progress over their male counterparts in terms of their involvement in full-time and part-time education in Britain for the given period. )
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Name participation clearly Original: British people’s full-time and part-time further education Suggested revision: men’s and women’s participation in full-time and part-time further education Why it matters: The revision states precisely what the bars measure.
- 2. Name survey periods Original: from 1970 to 1991 Suggested revision: in 1970/71, 1980/81 and 1990/91 Why it matters: The chart gives three academic-year periods rather than a continuous annual series.
- 3. Use concise reference Original: As is presented Suggested revision: As shown Why it matters: This is a more natural way to refer to visual information.
- 4. Use correct contrast Original: On the contrary Suggested revision: By contrast Why it matters: The sentence contrasts two study modes rather than contradicting a claim.
- 5. Clarify male reference Original: this number for part-time students Suggested revision: the number of male part-time students Why it matters: The original demonstrative does not identify the gender clearly.
- 6. Remove unnecessary article Original: over the time Suggested revision: over time Why it matters: The fixed expression is “over time.”
- 7. Use formal comparison Original: many times lower Suggested revision: considerably lower Why it matters: This describes the large difference more naturally.
- 8. Identify male figure Original: almost 100 thousand people Suggested revision: about 100 thousand men Why it matters: This sentence is discussing the male panel rather than all people.
- 9. Add article Original: in next 20 years Suggested revision: over the next 20 years Why it matters: The time expression requires “the,” and “over” expresses the interval.
- 10. Use concise trend phrase Original: this number increased to 200 thousand Suggested revision: this figure rose to 200 thousand Why it matters: This is a concise way to report the increase in the male part-time figure.
- 11. Use natural noun phrase Original: The female part-time students’ number Suggested revision: The number of female part-time students Why it matters: The of-phrase is the natural structure for this statistical subject.
- 12. Correct final female value Original: reached to over 200 thousand Suggested revision: reached 200 thousand Why it matters: The final female part-time bar is about 200 thousand, not above it.
Suggested Rewrites
- British people’s full-time and part-time further education men’s and women’s participation in full-time and part-time further education
- from 1970 to 1991 in 1970/71, 1980/81 and 1990/91
- As is presented As shown
- On the contrary By contrast
- this number for part-time students the number of male part-time students
- over the time over time
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response identifies the main gender patterns and correctly shows that the larger full-time totals generally fell for men but rose strongly for women, while the smaller part-time totals increased. Its main limitation is data precision: the 1990/91 female full-time figure is written as 11,000 thousand instead of about 1,100 thousand, and several smaller values are loose. Prioritize exact figures and clearer male-female comparisons.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The overview and main trends are relevant, but a major extra zero distorts the highest female figure and some other values are inaccurate.
Report the 1990/91 female full-time figure as about 1,100 thousand and verify the starting and ending part-time values.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses from male to female trends and ends with a summary, though the single-paragraph presentation and repetitive references to 'this number' weaken cohesion.
Use separate overview and detail paragraphs, grouping full-time comparisons separately from part-time comparisons.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary for trends and participation is adequate, but repetition and awkward phrases such as 'decreased to average' and 'made progress over' limit precision.
Use exact trend language such as 'fell to about 850 thousand' and 'overtook the male figure'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of sentence forms conveys the trends, but plural agreement, articles and verb patterns are frequently inaccurate.
Correct forms such as '1,000 thousand males', 'over the next 20 years' and 'reached 1,100 thousand'.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The chart below shows the number of men and women (in thousand) in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.