The chart below shows the number of men and women (in thousand) in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time.
Sample Response
The given bar graphs show data on the men’s and women’s participation in full-time and part-time further educationBritish people’s full-time and part-time further education in 1970/71, 1980/81 and 1990/91from 1970 to 1991. As shownAs is presented in the graphs, more men and women were studying full-time than part-time for the given period. Initially, in 1970 and 1971, about 1000 thousand male were in full-time further education and this number decreased to average 850 thousand for 1980 and 1990. By contrastOn the contrary, the number of male part-time studentsthis number for part-time students increased over timeover the time though the number was considerably lowermany times lower than the number of people in full-time education. In 1970, about 100 thousand menalmost 100 thousand people were in part-time education and over the next 20 yearsin next 20 years, this figure rose to 200 thousandthis number increased to 200 thousand. On the other hand, in 1970, the total number of females who were engaged in full-time education was 700 thousand and this number increased over time and reached to 11000 thousand in 1990/91 which was even higher than the number of males who were in full-time further education in this year. The number of female part-time studentsThe female part-time students’ number also increased over time and reached 200 thousandreached to over 200 thousand in 1990/91 fromin 1990 from the initial figure of about 50 thousandinitial number of 20 thousand in 1970. In summary, women caught up with or overtook menfemales made progress over their male counterparts in terms of their involvement in full-time and part-time education in Britain for the given period.period. )
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response identifies the main gender patterns and correctly shows that the larger full-time totals generally fell for men but rose strongly for women, while the smaller part-time totals increased. Its main limitation is data precision: the 1990/91 female full-time figure is written as 11,000 thousand instead of about 1,100 thousand, and several smaller values are loose. Prioritize exact figures and clearer male-female comparisons.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The overview and main trends are relevant, but a major extra zero distorts the highest female figure and some other values are inaccurate.
Report the 1990/91 female full-time figure as about 1,100 thousand and verify the starting and ending part-time values.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses from male to female trends and ends with a summary, though the single-paragraph presentation and repetitive references to 'this number' weaken cohesion.
Use separate overview and detail paragraphs, grouping full-time comparisons separately from part-time comparisons.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary for trends and participation is adequate, but repetition and awkward phrases such as 'decreased to average' and 'made progress over' limit precision.
Use exact trend language such as 'fell to about 850 thousand' and 'overtook the male figure'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of sentence forms conveys the trends, but plural agreement, articles and verb patterns are frequently inaccurate.
Correct forms such as '1,000 thousand males', 'over the next 20 years' and 'reached 1,100 thousand'.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The chart below shows the number of men and women (in thousand) in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.