The graph below shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014.
Sample Response
The graph gives information about Burnaby Public Library between 2011 and 2014. It shows how many library books people read over this four-year period.
As can be seen from the graph, there were different trends for men and women. The number of books read by men increased steadily between 2011 and 2012, from about 3000 to 4000. After that, the number rose dramatically to 14000 books in 2014. This was the highest figure in the period.
Women started off reading more books than men, but their numbers followed a different pattern. Between 2011 and 2012, there was an increase of 3000 from 5000 books to 8000 books, and then a gradual rise to 10000 books in 2013. However, in 2014, their numbers fell back to 8000 again.
Overall, there was a strong upward trend in the number of books read by men. Although women read more books than men in 2011, their reading fell to below the level of men in 2014.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Specify both groups Original: people read Suggested revision: men and women read Why it matters: Naming both groups makes the introduction align precisely with the graph.
- 2. Use precise comparison Original: different Suggested revision: contrasting Why it matters: “Contrasting” states the relationship between the two series more precisely.
- 3. Use formal phrasing Original: started off reading Suggested revision: initially read Why it matters: “Initially” is a more concise academic alternative to the conversational phrasal expression.
- 4. Clarify data reference Original: their numbers followed Suggested revision: the figure for women followed Why it matters: The revision refers clearly to the plotted value rather than to the women themselves.
- 5. Format figures clearly Original: an increase of 3000 from 5000 books to 8000 books Suggested revision: an increase of 3,000, from 5,000 books to 8,000 books Why it matters: Thousands separators and the added comma make the numerical comparison easier to read.
- 6. Remove redundancy Original: 8000 again Suggested revision: 8,000 Why it matters: “Fell back” already expresses a return, so “again” is redundant.
- 7. Use data noun Original: their reading Suggested revision: the figure for women Why it matters: The graph measures numbers of books, so “the figure” is the accurate reference.
- 8. Remove extra preposition Original: fell to below Suggested revision: fell below Why it matters: The verb “fell” takes “below” directly in this comparison.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: After that, the number rose dramatically to 14000 books in 2014. Suggested revision: It then rose sharply to 10,000 in 2013 and 14,000 in 2014. Why it matters: Including the 2013 value gives a complete account of the steep rise in men’s figures.
- 10. Add crossover point Suggested revision: Add that both groups reached 10,000 books in 2013 before the figure for men became higher. Why it matters: The equality and crossover are central comparisons visible in the graph.
Suggested Rewrites
- people read men and women read
- different contrasting
- started off reading initially read
- their numbers followed the figure for women followed
- an increase of 3000 from 5000 books to 8000 books an increase of 3,000, from 5,000 books to 8,000 books
- 8000 again 8,000
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response is strongest in its clear organisation, accurate trend language and controlled sentence structures, and it gives a useful comparison between the two groups. The main content limitation is that the men's 2013 figure and the point where both series meet are not explicitly reported. Add that comparison to make the key-feature coverage complete while retaining the concise, well-sequenced presentation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main trends and nearly all figures are reported accurately with a clear overview, though the shared 10,000 figure and crossover in 2013 are not explicitly covered.
Add that both groups reached 10,000 books in 2013 before men's reading rose further and women's declined.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically sequenced in focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices and referencing managed clearly throughout.
Integrate the 2013 meeting point as a bridge between the two series to make the comparison even more cohesive.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary for trends and comparison is varied and accurate, with only minor repetition and occasional imprecision such as "their reading fell".
Refine references to the data by using "the figure for women" or "the number of books read by women" where precision matters.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of sentence structures is used accurately, and the few awkward constructions do not impede communication.
Polish minor phrasing such as "fell below the figure for men" while maintaining the strong control of complex comparisons.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.