The graph shows data about the annual earnings of three bakeries in Calgary, 2000-2010.
Sample Response
The graph shows information about the amount of money which was earned by three bakeries in Calgary, over a ten-year period between 2000 and 2010. Overall, what stands out from the graph is that there were considerable upward trends in the income of both Bolo Cakery and Amandine Bakery, while the earnings of Mari Bakeshop saw a considerable fall over the period in question. Another interesting point is that Mari Bakeshop was the most popular bakery in 2000, but in 2010, Amandine Bakery earned more money than the others. Looking at the details, as regards Bolo Cakery, income started at $20,000 in 2000, then there was a fluctuation over the next three years, at which point it levelled off at just under $40,000 until 2006. Then the figure went up significantly, finishing at around $65,000 in 2010. If we look at Amandine Bakery, the trend was similar. Having remained stable at approximately $55,000 in the first half of the decade, income then rose sharply, reaching nearly $100,000 in 2008. There was then a gradual rise to around $105,000 in 2010. By contrast, the income of Mari Bakeshop went in the opposite direction. Takings fluctuated around $90,000 until 2004. After That despite falling sharply to just over $40,000 in 2008, the figure then levelled off in the last two years.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise wording Original: amount of money which was earned Suggested revision: income earned Why it matters: This concise phrase expresses the same meaning more naturally.
- 2. Remove unnecessary comma Original: bakeries in Calgary, over Suggested revision: bakeries in Calgary over Why it matters: The comma incorrectly separates the time phrase from the clause it modifies.
- 3. Describe earnings accurately Original: most popular bakery Suggested revision: highest-earning bakery Why it matters: The graph measures income rather than customer popularity.
- 4. Use formal transition Original: If we look at Suggested revision: Turning to Why it matters: This transition is more concise and appropriate for an academic report.
- 5. State the trend precisely Original: the trend was similar Suggested revision: income also rose overall Why it matters: This wording identifies the shared upward direction without implying identical movements.
- 6. Sentence rewrite Original: Looking at the details, as regards Bolo Cakery, income started at $20,000 in 2000, then there was a fluctuation over the next three years, at which point it levelled off at just under $40,000 until 2006. Suggested revision: Looking at Bolo Cakery in detail, income rose overall from $20,000 in 2000 to about $38,000 in 2003, despite a dip in 2002, and then remained close to that level until 2006. Why it matters: The rewrite accurately distinguishes the early rise and brief dip from the later stable period.
- 7. Sentence rewrite Original: After That despite falling sharply to just over $40,000 in 2008, the figure then levelled off in the last two years. Suggested revision: After that, the figure fell sharply to just over $40,000 in 2008 and then levelled off during the final two years. Why it matters: The rewrite fixes the capitalization, punctuation, and awkward concessive structure.
- 8. Add crossover comparisons Suggested revision: Add that Amandine overtook Mari in 2006 and Bolo overtook Mari in 2008. Why it matters: These crossover points would strengthen the comparison of the three bakeries' changing positions.
Suggested Rewrites
- amount of money which was earned income earned
- bakeries in Calgary, over bakeries in Calgary over
- most popular bakery highest-earning bakery
- If we look at Turning to
- the trend was similar income also rose overall
- Looking at the details, as regards Bolo Cakery, income started at $20,000 in 2000, then there was a fluctuation over the next three years, at which point it levelled off at just under $40,000 until 2006. Looking at Bolo Cakery in detail, income rose overall from $20,000 in 2000 to about $38,000 in 2003, despite a dip in 2002, and then remained close to that level until 2006.
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response gives a clear overview and selects the principal trends and endpoint comparisons accurately, supported by well-chosen figures. Its main limitation is presentation: all stages are compressed into one paragraph, and the final sentence contains a disruptive grammatical tangle. Prioritise clear paragraph division between the overview and details, then proofread complex transition sentences for complete, controlled structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The overview identifies the three main trajectories and the report supports them with accurate, well-selected figures from across the period.
Refine the account by noting the important crossover points between the bakeries rather than relying mainly on start and end positions.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses logically from the overview to each bakery, and cohesive language makes the comparisons easy to follow.
Separate the introduction, overview, and detailed comparisons into purposeful paragraphs so the structure is immediately visible.
Lexical Resource
A varied range of trend vocabulary generally describes movements and levels precisely, although popular is imprecise for income data.
Choose terms that refer directly to earnings and reduce repeated evaluative wording such as considerable and interesting.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a broad range of complex forms with strong control, apart from a small number of punctuation and sentence-formation lapses.
Rewrite the final sequence beginning with After That so the time link and concessive clause form a complete, correctly punctuated sentence.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph shows data about the annual earnings of three bakeries in Calgary, 2000-2010.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.