The chart below shows the proportion of businesses making e-commerce purchases by industry in Canada between 2015 and 2019.
Sample Response
The bar chart provides information about the proportion of businesses purchasing items online according to industry in Canada between 2015 in 2019.
Generally speaking, the proportion of businesses involved in e-commerce purchases across the years and sectors varied with the practice being most common in the information and communications industry. In this sector, there was a greater proportion of businesses involved (just over 60% in 2015) than the other sectors with a rise to just under 70% in 2019, including a peak to about 75% in 2018. The proportion of businesses involved in purchases on line in the retail sector followed a similar pattern, increasing from about 35% to about 55% in 2019 with a peak of about 58% in 2018. Just under 25% of construction businesses used online purchasing in 2015 compared to more than a half in 2019, whereas in the wholesale industry the rise was much smaller from just over 40% to about 60%. As regards manufacturing, there was a near 100% increase in the proportion of businesses purchasing online from about 33% in 2015 in comparison with about 58% in 2019.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix date range Original: in Suggested revision: and Why it matters: The correlative structure between requires and before the second year.
- 2. Match task wording Original: purchasing items online according to industry Suggested revision: making online purchases by industry Why it matters: This phrasing describes the chart categories more directly and precisely.
- 3. Complete comparison Original: than the other sectors Suggested revision: than in the other sectors Why it matters: The comparison is between proportions in sectors, so in is required.
- 4. Use correct peak phrase Original: to Suggested revision: of Why it matters: A peak is expressed with of when giving its value.
- 5. Use standard spelling Original: purchases on line Suggested revision: online purchases Why it matters: Online is normally written as one word when it modifies purchases.
- 6. Remove unnecessary article Original: more than a half Suggested revision: more than half Why it matters: Half takes no article in this percentage expression.
- 7. Clarify change structure Original: the rise was much smaller from Suggested revision: the increase was smaller, rising from Why it matters: The revision clearly links the size of the increase to its start and end values.
- 8. Place modifier clearly Original: across the years and sectors varied Suggested revision: varied across the years and sectors Why it matters: Moving the prepositional phrase after the verb makes the relationship easier to follow.
- 9. Clarify overview link Original: with the practice being most common Suggested revision: , while the practice was most common Why it matters: The finite clause creates a clearer contrast between variation and the leading sector.
- 10. Streamline comparison Original: there was a greater proportion of businesses involved Suggested revision: the proportion of businesses involved was higher Why it matters: The revised structure makes the comparative adjective modify the proportion directly.
- 11. Link the trend clearly Original: with a rise to just under 70% Suggested revision: , rising to about 70% Why it matters: A participle clause links the later value directly to the sector's change over time.
- 12. Specify both endpoints Original: from about 35% to about 55% in 2019 Suggested revision: from about 32% in 2015 to roughly 56% in 2019 Why it matters: Naming both years and using closer estimates makes the retail trend more precise.
Suggested Rewrites
- in and
- purchasing items online according to industry making online purchases by industry
- than the other sectors than in the other sectors
- to of
- purchases on line online purchases
- more than a half more than half
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response covers every industry, uses relevant comparisons, and highlights the consistently leading information and communications sector with generally accurate figures. Its main limitation is that the overview does not clearly state the broad rise in online purchasing across all five industries, while the manufacturing increase is slightly overstated as nearly 100%. The highest-priority improvement is to make the overall upward pattern explicit and describe proportional changes with greater numerical precision.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
All five industries are covered with mostly accurate start, end, and peak figures, but the overview omits the shared upward trend and slightly overstates manufacturing growth.
State that every industry finished above its 2015 level and describe manufacturing as rising by about 26 percentage points rather than nearly 100%.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response develops logically from the leading sector through the remaining industries, and comparisons are easy to follow despite the long body paragraph.
Divide the details into two grouped paragraphs, for example the highest sectors and the lower-starting sectors, to sharpen progression.
Lexical Resource
The report uses a sufficient range of relevant trend and comparison vocabulary, though repetition and a few awkward combinations reduce precision.
Replace repeated phrases such as businesses involved with concise alternatives like firms purchasing online and the proportion rose.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex comparison structures are generally well controlled, but a few preposition and construction errors remain noticeable.
Correct forms such as between 2015 and 2019 and use peaked at rather than a peak to when describing values.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The chart below shows the proportion of businesses making e-commerce purchases by industry in Canada between 2015 and 2019.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.