The table below shows the leisure hours by Canadians in a year based on their age groups. (Hours of leisure time per year in Canada)
Sample Response
The table reveals data on the duration of yearly leisure activities by Canadians based on their age groups. As is obvious from the illustration, watching TV is the most popular free time activity among Canadians while young people take parts in sports and exercise more than older people do. In details, a Canadian teenager spends 1200 hours watching TV programmes in a year which is 100 hours more than that of people over 70 years old and three times than that of people in their thirties. Hours spend watching TV by teens and older people are higher than that of other age groups. Individual exercise is more popular among Canadians between 30 and 50 years as they spend 200 hours in a year, while group exercise and sports are more preferred by younger people. People over 60 do not take part in sports and groups exercise. Socialising with more people is commonly seen among younger people while adults like to have fewer people to socialise. Cinema seems like the least preferred activity as roughly 75 hours on an average is spend on this activity by all age groups.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix expression Original: take parts in Suggested revision: take part in Why it matters: The fixed expression take part uses the singular noun part.
- 2. Fix fixed phrase Original: In details Suggested revision: In detail Why it matters: The standard transition is in detail, not in details.
- 3. Add comma Original: year which Suggested revision: year, which Why it matters: A comma is needed before the non-defining relative clause.
- 4. Fix multiplier form Original: three times than that of Suggested revision: three times the figure for Why it matters: Three times is followed directly by the quantity being compared, without than.
- 5. Use past participle Original: Hours spend Suggested revision: Hours spent Why it matters: Spent is the required past participle in this reduced passive clause.
- 6. Compare plural figures Original: higher than that of other age groups Suggested revision: higher than those of the other age groups Why it matters: Those correctly substitutes for the plural hours or figures being compared.
- 7. Name exact age groups Original: between 30 and 50 years Suggested revision: in their thirties and forties Why it matters: The value of 200 applies to the 30s and 40s, not the 50s group.
- 8. Remove double comparison Original: more preferred Suggested revision: preferred Why it matters: Preferred already expresses comparison, so more is redundant.
- 9. Use compound noun Original: groups exercise Suggested revision: group exercise Why it matters: Group functions as a singular modifier before exercise.
- 10. Describe frequency clearly Original: commonly seen among Suggested revision: more common among Why it matters: More common among expresses the age-group comparison directly.
- 11. Complete verb phrase Original: fewer people to socialise Suggested revision: fewer people to socialise with Why it matters: The verb socialise needs with before the people involved.
- 12. Use formal phrasing Original: seems like Suggested revision: appears to be Why it matters: Appears to be is more appropriate for a cautious table-based observation.
Suggested Rewrites
- take parts in take part in
- In details In detail
- year which year, which
- three times than that of three times the figure for
- Hours spend Hours spent
- higher than that of other age groups higher than those of the other age groups
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response highlights the dominance of television and the broad age pattern in exercise and socialising, supported by several relevant comparisons. However, some generalisations are not fully accurate, especially the stated cinema average and the age range for individual exercise, while frequent grammatical slips reduce polish. Prioritise checking calculated summaries against every column and presenting the report in clear overview and detail paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The main patterns and several key comparisons are identified, but the cinema average and the description of individual exercise across ages are inaccurate.
Verify summary calculations and distinguish the 30s and 40s peak in individual exercise from the much lower figure for people in their 50s.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report follows a logical movement from the overview through the activity categories, although the single-paragraph format limits structural clarity.
Create separate overview and detail paragraphs, grouping television and exercise trends before socialising and cinema.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate and sometimes varied, but repetition of 'spend' and awkward phrases such as 'take parts' and 'in details' reduce naturalness.
Use accurate alternatives such as 'participate,' 'by contrast,' and 'hours devoted to an activity' while avoiding unnecessary passive forms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of sentence structures communicates the comparisons clearly, but errors in verb forms, agreement, and comparative constructions are frequent.
Proofread participles and comparison patterns, correcting forms such as 'hours spent,' 'is spent,' and 'three times as much as.'
Use this task for your next draft
Feedback is more useful when you actively apply it in a draft, rather than only recognising improvements on the page.
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.
The question will be loaded automatically.