The table below shows the consumer durables (telephone, refrigerator, etc.) owned in Britain from 1972 to 1983.
Sample Response
The given table shows data on households consumer items owned by British during the period of 11 years commencing from 1972. It is clearly visible that the percentage of households who owned consumer durables had seen a significant hike during this period. Television was most popular consumer item in this period while the dishwasher was the least common item. In details, television, vacuum cleaner, refrigerator and washing machine were owned by more than three-quarter house owners in Britain during 1972 to 1976. In subsequent years, the percentage of households owning these items had increased gradually and more than 90% British owned these items at their home. For instance, refrigerators were owned by 73% households in 1972, which saw a steady increase in the coming years and reached up to 94% in 1983. A similar trend could be observed for washing machine. On the contrary, central heating and telephones were owned by only one third and less than half of British households in 1972, but ownership of these items saw a steady increase too in later years and reached up to 64% and 77% respectively in 1983. Dishwashers were introduced in 1978 with 3% ownership and reached up to 5% in 1983, whereas, data for video is provided only for 1983 with 18% ownership in Britain.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Possessive noun phrase Original: households consumer items Suggested revision: household consumer items Why it matters: Household should modify consumer items here.
- 2. Missing noun Original: owned by British Suggested revision: owned by British households Why it matters: British needs a noun after it.
- 3. Simpler phrase Original: commencing from 1972 Suggested revision: starting in 1972 Why it matters: This is clearer and more natural.
- 4. Formal chart verb Original: had seen a significant hike Suggested revision: increased significantly Why it matters: Hike is less formal.
- 5. Missing article Original: Television was most popular consumer item Suggested revision: Television was the most popular consumer item Why it matters: The superlative needs the.
- 6. Fixed phrase Original: In details Suggested revision: In detail Why it matters: The phrase is singular.
- 7. Natural quantity phrase Original: three-quarter house owners Suggested revision: three-quarters of households Why it matters: This is grammatically correct and matches the table.
- 8. Overgeneralisation Original: more than 90% British owned these items Suggested revision: more than 90% of households owned televisions and refrigerators Why it matters: Washing machines reached 80%, and vacuum-cleaner data is missing in 1983.
- 9. Missing preposition Original: 73% households Suggested revision: 73% of households Why it matters: Use of after a percentage.
- 10. Concise verb Original: reached up to Suggested revision: reached Why it matters: Reached does not need up to here.
- 11. Remove comma Original: whereas, data for video Suggested revision: whereas data for video Why it matters: Do not put a comma immediately after whereas in this clause.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: The given table shows data on households consumer items owned by British during the period of 11 years commencing from 1972. Suggested revision: The table shows the percentage of British households that owned selected consumer durables between 1972 and 1983. Why it matters: This states the table content accurately and naturally.
Suggested Rewrites
- households consumer items household consumer items
- owned by British owned by British households
- commencing from 1972 starting in 1972
- had seen a significant hike increased significantly
- Television was most popular consumer item Television was the most popular consumer item
- In details In detail
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response summarises the main pattern accurately: ownership of most consumer durables increased, television was already the most common, and dishwashers were rare. It includes useful figures, though it overgeneralises some items and does not mention missing 1983 vacuum-cleaner data.
Avoid claiming every major item exceeded 90% by 1983, since washing machines reached 80% and the vacuum-cleaner value is missing.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is well organised with an overview and details grouped by high-ownership and lower-ownership items. Progression is clear, though the paragraph is dense.
Split the details into common appliances and less common or newer items.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary range is good, including consumer durables and ownership, but some collocations are awkward, such as households consumer items, house owners and at their home.
Use household ownership, British households, rose steadily and owned in their homes.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar is mostly controlled, but article use, plural forms and tense choices are inconsistent.
Use simple past for completed years and avoid unnecessary past perfect forms.