The two pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in Canada in 2005 and 2010.
Sample Response
The two pie charts compare the percentages of online sales across different retail sectors in Canada in the years 2005 and 2010. For three of the sectors, it is evident that over this time frame there was significant change in their proportion of online transactions.
At 35% we can see that electronics and appliance sector accounted for the majority of online sales in 2005, but this percentage had dropped to 30% by 2010. During the same five-year period, as an increasing number of people chose to purchase food and beverage online, we can see that transactions went from just 22% to 32%, making it the retail sector with the largest overall proportion of the online market.
In 2005, the home furnishing industry boasted an impressive 25% of the total online sales in Canada. However, by 2010, the figure had fallen considerably to 15%. Interestingly, online sales of video games eventually overtook sales of home furnishings, although video games still represented only 23% of the market.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct sector count Original: For three of the sectors Suggested revision: Across the four sectors Why it matters: All four sectors changed between 2005 and 2010, so the stated count is inaccurate.
- 2. Use plural agreement Original: there was significant change Suggested revision: there were significant changes Why it matters: The plural noun requires a plural verb and better matches changes across several categories.
- 3. State data directly Original: At 35% we can see that Suggested revision: At 35%, Why it matters: A direct data statement is more concise and objective for a chart report.
- 4. Add definite article Original: electronics and appliance sector Suggested revision: the electronics and appliance sector Why it matters: The singular sector name needs the definite article here.
- 5. Avoid false majority Original: the majority of online sales Suggested revision: the largest share of online sales Why it matters: Thirty-five percent was the largest category but was not a majority of all sales.
- 6. Use neutral wording Original: boasted an impressive Suggested revision: accounted for Why it matters: Neutral reporting language is more appropriate than an evaluative description.
- 7. Avoid inferred timing Original: eventually overtook Suggested revision: had overtaken Why it matters: The two charts establish the change by 2010 but do not show when it occurred.
- 8. Clarify comparison link Original: although video games still represented only Suggested revision: with video games representing Why it matters: The original concession is unclear because the sentence is simply comparing the two 2010 shares.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: During the same five-year period, as an increasing number of people chose to purchase food and beverage online, we can see that transactions went from just 22% to 32%, making it the retail sector with the largest overall proportion of the online market. Suggested revision: During the same five-year period, food and beverage sales rose from 22% to 32%, making this the largest online retail sector in 2010. Why it matters: The chart shows the change in share but does not provide evidence about consumers' reasons or choices.
- 10. Sharpen the overview Suggested revision: Summarise that food and beverage became the largest sector, home furnishings recorded the steepest fall, and the other two sectors changed by five percentage points. Why it matters: The overview should identify the principal directions and contrasts rather than only say that changes occurred.
Suggested Rewrites
- For three of the sectors Across the four sectors
- there was significant change there were significant changes
- At 35% we can see that At 35%,
- electronics and appliance sector the electronics and appliance sector
- the majority of online sales the largest share of online sales
- boasted an impressive accounted for
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is concise, accurate, and easy to follow, with all four sectors described and the main changes supported by correct figures. Its main limitation is the vague overview, which does not clearly identify the shift from electronics and appliances to food and beverages or mention video games’ rise. Prioritise a sharper overview that names the two most important overall changes before presenting detailed data.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
All four sectors are covered accurately with relevant figures, but the overview gives only a vague indication of change.
State the dominant shift and the main rises and falls explicitly in the overview.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically from the overview to well-grouped details, with cohesive links used naturally.
Make the overview-to-detail transition even clearer by grouping the rising sectors separately from the declining ones.
Lexical Resource
A wide and generally precise range of vocabulary describes proportions and changes effectively, with only slight imprecision such as calling 35% a majority.
Use exact terms such as largest share when a figure is below half.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied complex structures are handled accurately throughout, with only occasional minor article or noun-form lapses.
Refine noun phrases such as the electronics and appliances sector to maintain consistently polished accuracy.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The two pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in Canada in 2005 and 2010.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.