The chart below shows the male and female internet users aged 15-24 in Canada in 2000. % Canadian males and females aged 15-24 who used the internet
Sample Response
The bar chart outlines online activities of young Canadian males and females who were between 15 to 24 years old in the year 2000. Generally speaking, email communication was the most common activity among these users and a higher percentage of male internet users were engaged in social networking than that of females while women email users and online shoppers exceeded the ratio of male netizens. According to the given illustration, young Canadian internet users primarily used email applications and their second most preferred online activity was social networking. Among the internet users, 48% females used emails and this ratio was 7% higher than that of male email users. Regarding the social networking members, 28% of these netizens were males and this ration was exactly 4% higher than that of females. Almost one in five young female intent users did online shopping while male online shopper’s percentage was 13. The remaining 9% males were involved in other online activities while this was 18%, precisely double in the case of females.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix age range Original: between 15 to 24 years old Suggested revision: aged 15 to 24 Why it matters: An age range takes either “between ... and” or the concise form “aged ... to.”
- 2. Use concise year phrase Original: in the year 2000 Suggested revision: in 2000 Why it matters: The word “year” is unnecessary before a stated date.
- 3. Name activity accurately Original: primarily used email applications Suggested revision: most commonly used email Why it matters: The chart reports email as an activity rather than use of particular applications.
- 4. Use frequency language Original: their second most preferred Suggested revision: their second-most common Why it matters: The percentages show frequency, not a direct ranking of preference.
- 5. Add partitive preposition Original: 48% females Suggested revision: 48% of females Why it matters: A percentage of a specified group requires “of.”
- 6. Use uncountable email Original: emails Suggested revision: email Why it matters: The activity category “email” is uncountable in this context.
- 7. Use proportion term Original: ratio Suggested revision: proportion Why it matters: The figure is a percentage share rather than a ratio between two quantities.
- 8. Use percentage points Original: 7% higher Suggested revision: 7 percentage points higher Why it matters: The difference between 48% and 41% is seven percentage points.
- 9. Compare equivalent figures Original: than that of male email users Suggested revision: than the male figure Why it matters: The percentage for females should be compared with the percentage for males, not with users themselves.
- 10. Use natural user term Original: social networking members Suggested revision: social-network users Why it matters: People who use social networks are users, not members of the activity.
- 11. Correct percentage denominator Original: 28% of these netizens were males Suggested revision: 28% of males used social networks Why it matters: The chart shows the percentage of males doing the activity, not the sex composition of social-network users.
- 12. Correct spelling Original: ration Suggested revision: proportion Why it matters: “Ration” is a spelling error here, and “proportion” accurately names the percentage.
Suggested Rewrites
- between 15 to 24 years old aged 15 to 24
- in the year 2000 in 2000
- primarily used email applications most commonly used email
- their second most preferred their second-most common
- 48% females 48% of females
- emails email
Why this response received Band 6.5
The report provides a clear overview and compares both sexes across all four online activities, with the email, social-networking, and shopping figures accurately reported. Its main limitation is the final comparison, which reverses the ‘other activities’ data: the chart shows 18% of males and 9% of females. Prioritise checking the legend and bar labels before assigning each percentage, then proofread awkward percentage expressions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main gender patterns and most figures are accurately covered, but the male and female values for other activities are reversed.
Verify each bar against the legend and preserve the correct gender-value pairing in every comparison.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses clearly from an overview through the four activities, although the single-paragraph format limits structural clarity.
Separate the overview from the detailed comparisons and group female-leading activities before male-leading activities.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate vocabulary for users and activities, but spelling slips and awkward labels such as ‘netizens’ and ‘social networking members’ reduce precision.
Use consistent terms such as ‘users’, ‘used email’, ‘used social networks’, and ‘shopped online’.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning remains clear through varied sentence forms, but recurring errors affect age expressions, percentage phrases, agreement, and possessives.
Use structures such as ‘48% of females’ and ‘7 percentage points higher than the male figure’ consistently.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The chart below shows the male and female internet users aged 15-24 in Canada in 2000. % Canadian males and females aged 15-24 who used the internet
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.