The pie chart below shows the results of a survey of the causes of poor learning outcomes in schools in a particular country in 2011.
Sample Response
The pie chart presents the survey results of why pupils in a school poorly performed in a country in 2011.
Overall, it is clearly seen that inexpert teachers and parents behaviour were the main reason for students to perform poorly in school.
From the pie chart, it can be said that the main reason why children perform inadequately were the unskilled teachers the portion is 35%. Also, the one main reason outcome from pie chart was the upbringing of students affects the school learning process with 27%. Along with this, there is another reason to add-on working parents were affecting child’s development (20%) in learning performance.
However, a lack of revision with 8% was also the reason that students could not perform up to the mark. Moreover, the school does not have proper facilities to provide to students for their better development which is from the survey is 18%.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix the noun clause Original: of Suggested revision: showing Why it matters: The original preposition does not introduce the explanation naturally.
- 2. Match the survey scope Original: pupils in a school Suggested revision: pupils in schools Why it matters: The chart concerns schools generally rather than one school.
- 3. Correct adverb placement Original: poorly performed Suggested revision: performed poorly Why it matters: The adverb normally follows the verb in this construction.
- 4. Use the chart label Original: inexpert Suggested revision: unskilled Why it matters: 'Unskilled teachers' is the category named in the chart.
- 5. Name the category accurately Original: parents behaviour Suggested revision: parental upbringing Why it matters: The chart identifies upbringing, while the original phrase is also missing a possessive form.
- 6. Use a plural complement Original: reason Suggested revision: reasons Why it matters: Two causes require the plural noun 'reasons'.
- 7. Use concise academic phrasing Original: for students to perform poorly Suggested revision: for poor student performance Why it matters: The noun phrase expresses the survey outcome more concisely.
- 8. Use a clear addition link Original: Along with this Suggested revision: In addition Why it matters: This connector introduces another category more directly.
- 9. Repair the clause Original: there is another reason to add-on Suggested revision: another reported cause was that Why it matters: The original phrase is structurally incomplete and uses 'add-on' incorrectly.
- 10. Use consistent past tense Original: were affecting Suggested revision: affected Why it matters: The simple past matches the completed 2011 survey.
- 11. Clarify the affected outcome Original: child’s development (20%) in learning performance Suggested revision: children's development and learning performance (20%) Why it matters: The revision corrects number and makes the relationship between the ideas clear.
- 12. Avoid false contrast Original: However Suggested revision: In addition Why it matters: Lack of revision is another cause, so an additive connector is needed.
Suggested Rewrites
- of showing
- pupils in a school pupils in schools
- poorly performed performed poorly
- inexpert unskilled
- parents behaviour parental upbringing
- reason reasons
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response covers every cause and correctly highlights unskilled teachers and upbringing as the two largest shares, giving it a recognizable overview. Its main limitation is unreliable precision, especially the incorrect figure for poor facilities, alongside frequent grammatical awkwardness; the highest priority is to verify each category and percentage and present the comparisons in shorter, accurate sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main features and all five categories are addressed, but poor facilities is incorrectly reported as 18% rather than 10% and comparisons remain limited.
Check every percentage against the chart and compare the largest, middle, and smallest causes directly rather than listing them separately.
Coherence and Cohesion
The overview and detail paragraphs create a generally clear sequence, although repetitive framing and awkward connectors make the progression mechanical.
Organize the figures into ranked groups and use concise comparative links instead of repeatedly introducing each item as another reason.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate for the topic, but repetition of reason and inaccurate expressions such as inexpert teachers and reason outcome limit control.
Use precise chart language such as accounted for, proportion, leading cause, and smallest share while avoiding forced synonyms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent problems with agreement, articles, possessives, and clause construction occur throughout, though the main meaning is usually recoverable.
Prioritize accurate subject-verb agreement and complete sentence patterns when reporting each category and its percentage.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The pie chart below shows the results of a survey of the causes of poor learning outcomes in schools in a particular country in 2011.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.