The diagram below shows the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.
Sample Response
The diagrams illustrate the steps and equipment involved in the production of cement and the way in which cement is then used to make concrete.
Overall, limestone and clay pass through four stages before being bagged ready for use as cement. Cement is then combined with three other materials to create concrete. While the process of making cement uses a number of tools, the production of concrete is simpler and requires only a concrete mixer.
In the first stage of making cement, limestone and clay are crushed together to form a powder using a crusher. This powder is then combined in a mixer before passing into a rotating heater which has constant heat applied at one end of the tube. The resulting mixture is ground in order to produce cement. The final product is afterwards put into bags ready to be used.
Regarding the second diagram, concrete consists of mainly gravel, which is small stones, and this makes up 50% of the ingredients. The other materials used are sand (25%), cement (15%) and water (10%). These are all poured into a concrete mixer which continually rotates to combine the materials and ultimately produces concrete.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use process term Original: steps Suggested revision: stages Why it matters: Stages is the more precise term for the ordered parts of a process diagram.
- 2. Use precise equipment term Original: number of tools Suggested revision: range of equipment Why it matters: Equipment is a more precise collective term for the crusher, mixer, heater and grinder.
- 3. Choose exact process verb Original: combined Suggested revision: mixed Why it matters: Mixed states the action performed at this stage more directly.
- 4. Avoid unsupported detail Original: constant heat Suggested revision: heat Why it matters: The diagram shows heat being applied but does not specify that it is constant.
- 5. Use direct sequence marker Original: afterwards Suggested revision: then Why it matters: Then signals the final process stage more directly and naturally.
- 6. Correct adverb position Original: consists of mainly Suggested revision: consists mainly of Why it matters: Mainly should come before of in the construction consists mainly of.
- 7. Fix definition structure Original: which is small stones Suggested revision: which consists of small stones Why it matters: The revision gives the uncountable noun gravel a grammatically complete definition.
- 8. Sentence rewrite Original: These are all poured into a concrete mixer which continually rotates to combine the materials and ultimately produces concrete. Suggested revision: These are all poured into a concrete mixer, which continually rotates to combine them and produce concrete. Why it matters: The rewrite clarifies the relative clause and keeps the two process verbs parallel.
Suggested Rewrites
- steps stages
- number of tools range of equipment
- combined mixed
- constant heat heat
- afterwards then
- consists of mainly consists mainly of
Why this response received Band 9.0
The response accurately and comprehensively explains both processes, with a clear overview, complete sequencing, and precise proportions. Its strongest feature is the effortless selection and organisation of every significant stage and ingredient; the only minor limitation is slightly awkward word order in the gravel description. Prioritise polishing rare collocational slips while preserving the same concise, fully accurate coverage.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
All stages, equipment, materials, and proportions are selected accurately, and the overview clearly contrasts the two processes.
Maintain this complete coverage while making the four-stage description even more explicitly sequential.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses seamlessly from the overview to cement production and then concrete production, with fully controlled referencing.
Continue using this economical paragraph structure to separate the two related processes clearly.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is precise, natural, and appropriately specialised, with only a very slight awkwardness in one gravel phrase.
Polish the rare word-order slip by writing that concrete consists mainly of gravel.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of sentence forms is used with consistently accurate grammar and punctuation.
Retain this high level of control while checking the placement of adverbs such as mainly.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagram below shows the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.