The graph below shows the number of hours per day on average that children spent watching television between 1950 and 2010.
Sample Response
The render bar chart enumerates how many average hours children spend watching television per day from 1950 to 2010.
Overall, it is crystal clear that in the starting time period watching TV hours was the least although, it rose year by year.
In 1950, per day watching television hours for children was under a half-hour, it surged later, and it took 15 years to reach 1 hour per day. After 1965, viewing television became common for children; thus, hours grew dramatically. Between 1965 and 1980, it was from 1 hour per day to 4 hours per day which was fourfold that it was three decades ago.
Hours of watching TV remain same in 1980 and in 1990 but, between that, it touched dip point on account of 3 hours and 45 minutes roughly. It declined slightly by a half-hour in the next two decades. However, in 1992, viewing hours was on the zenith, over 4 hours.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use noun phrase Original: viewing television Suggested revision: television viewing Why it matters: Television viewing is the natural noun phrase for this activity.
- 2. Describe time accurately Original: hours grew Suggested revision: viewing time increased Why it matters: Viewing time, rather than hours themselves, is the quantity that increased.
- 3. Add trend verb Original: was Suggested revision: rose Why it matters: The sentence needs a verb that expresses the change between the two values.
- 4. Correct comparison base Original: which was fourfold that it was three decades ago Suggested revision: which was four times the 1965 figure Why it matters: Four hours in 1980 is four times the one-hour figure in 1965, not the much lower 1950 value.
- 5. Use natural data term Original: Hours of watching TV Suggested revision: Television viewing time Why it matters: This phrase names the measured quantity more naturally.
- 6. Fix tense and article Original: remain same Suggested revision: remained approximately the same Why it matters: Past tense is required, and approximately reflects the small difference between the two points.
- 7. Fix linking phrase Original: but, between that Suggested revision: but between those years Why it matters: Those years supplies a clear plural reference and the comma after but is unnecessary.
- 8. Use correct trend phrase Original: touched dip point Suggested revision: reached a low point Why it matters: Reached a low point is the standard expression for a temporary trough.
- 9. Use value preposition Original: on account of Suggested revision: at Why it matters: At introduces the numerical level, whereas on account of expresses a cause.
- 10. Place adverb naturally Original: minutes roughly Suggested revision: minutes Why it matters: Roughly already precedes the full measurement, so its second placement is ungrammatical and redundant.
- 11. Qualify approximate fall Original: by a half-hour Suggested revision: by about half an hour Why it matters: The chart indicates an approximate decrease rather than an exact thirty-minute fall.
- 12. Fix noun and agreement Original: hours Suggested revision: time Why it matters: Viewing time is the appropriate singular measured quantity.
Suggested Rewrites
- viewing television television viewing
- hours grew viewing time increased
- was rose
- which was fourfold that it was three decades ago which was four times the 1965 figure
- Hours of watching TV Television viewing time
- remain same remained approximately the same
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response’s strongest feature is its chronological structure, which identifies the steep rise to around four hours and the later fluctuation. Its main limitation is an incomplete and partly inaccurate account of the visual, including the claim of a year-by-year rise and the incorrect date for the peak. The highest-priority improvement is to state the full overall pattern accurately, then support it with correctly dated figures in simpler, more precise language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response reports several important stages and includes an overview, but it inaccurately suggests continuous growth and misdates the highest point.
State that viewing rose sharply to about four hours, peaked at just over four around 1995, and then fell to roughly three and a half by 2010.
Coherence and Cohesion
The paragraph sequence follows the chart chronologically, though faulty connectors, punctuation, and unclear references sometimes disrupt the flow.
Use straightforward chronological links and ensure each pronoun or comparison clearly refers to a stated year or figure.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts varied trend vocabulary, but frequent miscollocations such as render bar chart, touched dip point, and on the zenith sound unnatural.
Prefer precise standard graph language such as line graph, dipped to, peaked at, remained stable, and declined gradually.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is some variety in sentence structure, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, clause construction, and punctuation reduce accuracy and clarity.
Build shorter complete sentences with one main comparison each, then check verb tense and subject-verb agreement consistently.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the number of hours per day on average that children spent watching television between 1950 and 2010.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.