The graph below shows the number of hours per day on average that children spent watching television between 1950 and 2010.
Sample Response
The graph shows the number of hours per day on average that children spent watching television. The graph covers the period between 1950 and 2010.
From 1950 to 1960, there was a modest rise in the average number of hours children spent in front of the television set. This was followed by a marked increase from approximately one hour to four hours of viewing per day among children between 1965 and 1982. Over the next five years, there was a decrease. However this trend proved negligible as the viewing figure then rose again marginally, and it reached a peak of over four hours in 1995.
Between 1995 and 2010, there was another modest decline in the hours children spent watching television.
Overall, it can be concluded that there has been a significant rise in television viewing over the sixty-year period, though there is some indication that this trend may be changing.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Natural word order Original: per day on average Suggested revision: on average per day Why it matters: This order expresses the daily average more naturally.
- 2. Avoid repeated subject Original: The graph covers Suggested revision: It covers Why it matters: Using a pronoun avoids repeating “The graph” in consecutive sentences.
- 3. Use concise wording Original: in front of the television set Suggested revision: watching television Why it matters: The shorter phrase states the measured activity more directly.
- 4. Clarify time period Original: among children between 1965 and 1982 Suggested revision: between 1965 and 1982 Why it matters: The dates describe when viewing rose, rather than the age or identity of the children.
- 5. Match the timeline Original: five Suggested revision: few Why it matters: The graph shows a brief dip in the mid-1980s rather than a clearly defined five-year decline.
- 6. Add linking comma Original: However this trend Suggested revision: However, this trend Why it matters: A comma should follow the introductory linking adverb.
- 7. Describe duration accurately Original: proved negligible Suggested revision: was short-lived Why it matters: The decline is visible but temporary, so “short-lived” is more precise than “negligible.”
- 8. Name the measure Original: viewing figure Suggested revision: average viewing time Why it matters: This phrase clearly identifies the quantity measured in hours per day.
- 9. Condense the introduction Suggested revision: Combine the two introductory sentences into one concise paraphrase of the task. Why it matters: The current sentences repeat the graph subject and time period without adding a distinct point.
- 10. Specify the late decline Suggested revision: State that viewing peaked in the mid-1990s and then declined modestly by 2010. Why it matters: Naming the final downward movement makes the overview more precise and fully grounded in the graph.
Suggested Rewrites
- per day on average on average per day
- The graph covers It covers
- in front of the television set watching television
- among children between 1965 and 1982 between 1965 and 1982
- five few
- However this trend However, this trend
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response gives a clear overview and accurately traces the dominant rise, mid-period fluctuations, peak, and later decline, with logical sequencing and strong control of comparative language. Its main limitation is limited numerical detail, especially at the start and end of the period. Add a few precise values and explicitly note the small initial dip to make the feature selection more complete.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview and accurate account of the main rise, fluctuations, peak, and decline address the task well, though some useful values and the initial dip are omitted.
Add selected figures for the opening, peak, and ending points and mention the slight fall just after 1950.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through the period and uses paragraphing and linking effectively.
Make the introduction more concise by combining its two repetitive sentences and punctuate linking adverbs consistently.
Lexical Resource
A varied and generally precise range of trend vocabulary describes changes and degrees effectively.
Use terms such as negligible only when the size of the movement clearly supports that judgement.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of sentence structures is controlled accurately, with only minor punctuation and tense lapses.
Use past tense consistently for the completed period and place a comma after introductory linking adverbs such as However.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the number of hours per day on average that children spent watching television between 1950 and 2010.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.