The pie chart shows the amount of money that a children's charity located in the USA spent and received in one year.
Sample Response
The pie charts show the revenue sources as well as the expenditures for a year of a children charity organization based in the USA. Overall, donated food was the main source of fund of this charity organization whereas they spent most of their money on different program services. According to the illustration, this charity organization earned exactly $53, 561,580 in this year and used up $53,224,896. Their saving in this year was just over 330,000 dollars. The highest supply for the charity came as donated food which was more than 86% of the total earning. One-tenth of their trust was received from community contribution and the remaining 3% account was managed through program revenue, investment income, government grants and other income. On the contrary, they exhausted more than 95% of the fund for program services and 2.6% for fundraising. Just over 1.5% of their expenditure was made for management and general purposes.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use possessive noun Original: children charity organization Suggested revision: children's charity organisation Why it matters: The possessive children's is required to show the charity serves children.
- 2. Use plural funds Original: source of fund Suggested revision: source of funds Why it matters: Funds is the natural plural noun for an organisation's money.
- 3. Keep singular reference Original: they spent Suggested revision: it spent Why it matters: The singular organisation should be referred to as it.
- 4. Fix number spacing Original: $53, 561,580 Suggested revision: $53,561,580 Why it matters: A space must not follow the thousands separator in this figure.
- 5. Use formal verb Original: used up Suggested revision: spent Why it matters: Spent is the precise formal verb for the expenditure total.
- 6. Fix reference and noun Original: Their saving Suggested revision: Its surplus Why it matters: Its agrees with the singular charity, and surplus describes income exceeding expenditure.
- 7. Name revenue source Original: The highest supply Suggested revision: The largest source of revenue Why it matters: Supply does not accurately refer to a category of charitable income.
- 8. Use natural phrasing Original: came as donated food Suggested revision: was donated food Why it matters: Was donated food expresses the category directly and concisely.
- 9. Use revenue noun Original: total earning Suggested revision: total revenue Why it matters: Revenue is the appropriate uncountable noun for the charity's income.
- 10. Clarify proportion Original: One-tenth of their trust Suggested revision: Just over one-tenth of its revenue Why it matters: Trust is the wrong noun for the portion of revenue shown in the chart.
- 11. Use chart plural Original: community contribution Suggested revision: community contributions Why it matters: The chart's revenue category is the plural community contributions.
- 12. Remove wrong noun Original: remaining 3% account Suggested revision: remaining 3% Why it matters: Account does not describe the combined proportion of the smaller sources.
Suggested Rewrites
- children charity organization children's charity organisation
- source of fund source of funds
- they spent it spent
- $53, 561,580 $53,561,580
- used up spent
- Their saving Its surplus
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response accurately identifies the dominant revenue source and expenditure category and supports the overview with well-selected totals and percentages. The main weakness is linguistic control: several word choices are unnatural, and the entire report is presented as one paragraph. Prioritise clear paragraphing and standard financial vocabulary so the accurate comparisons are expressed more naturally and precisely.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The report provides a clear overview and accurately covers the totals, dominant categories, smaller shares, and the resulting surplus.
Refine the description of donated food as a revenue source rather than saying the charity 'earned' its full value.
Coherence and Cohesion
The sequence from overview to revenue and expenditure is easy to follow, but placing the entire response in one paragraph weakens the organisation.
Separate the introduction and overview from two concise detail paragraphs covering revenue and expenditure respectively.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate range for describing finances, but frequent awkward choices such as 'highest supply,' 'their trust,' and 'exhausted' reduce precision.
Prefer standard expressions such as 'largest source of revenue,' 'community contributions,' and 'spent on program services.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response combines simple and complex structures successfully, although article, noun-form, and preposition errors occur regularly.
Check singular and plural noun phrases and articles, especially in expressions such as 'a children's charity' and 'a source of funds.'