The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in a country in 1950 and 2010.
Sample Response
The two pie charts compare the average nationwide expenses on several household categories including housing, food, healthcare, education, transportation in 1950 and 2010. The expenditure ratio for food soared in 6 decades while an overwhelming portion of the expenditure went on for housing in 1950. Now turning to the details, the bulk of the expenses in 1950 was made for the housing and food which accounted for a massive 72.1% and 11.2% of the total expenditures. In opposite, it can be observed that people prioritised buying food (34%) more than housing (22%) six decades later. Health care had the lowest amount of money spent on in both of the years. In addition, transportation expenses had remarkably increased by roughly three times from only 3.3% in 1950 to 14% in 2010. Aside from that, spending on other items also rose to 19.3% from 4.4% in 1950. Education expense ratio, however, had slightly decreased where people insignificantly spent 0.3% more in 1960 than in 2010. To summarise, basic necessities such as food and housing are the two main categories people spent most percentages of money on, however, health care aspect was the least prioritised.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Chart term Original: expenses on Suggested revision: expenditure in Why it matters: Expenditure in categories is more formal and accurate for pie charts.
- 2. Natural trend phrase Original: The expenditure ratio for food soared Suggested revision: The share spent on food rose sharply Why it matters: Share spent on is clearer than expenditure ratio.
- 3. Wrong preposition Original: went on for housing Suggested revision: went on housing Why it matters: Use went on plus the spending category.
- 4. Awkward passive Original: was made for the housing and food Suggested revision: was for housing and food Why it matters: This is simpler and grammatically cleaner.
- 5. Wrong linker Original: In opposite Suggested revision: By contrast Why it matters: By contrast is the correct linking phrase.
- 6. Pie-chart measure Original: lowest amount of money spent on Suggested revision: lowest share of spending in Why it matters: The charts show percentages, not total money amounts.
- 7. Natural adverb Original: had remarkably increased Suggested revision: increased markedly Why it matters: Markedly is more natural than remarkably in this data context.
- 8. Formal transition Original: Aside from that Suggested revision: In addition Why it matters: This is more formal for Academic Task 1.
- 9. Natural noun phrase Original: Education expense ratio Suggested revision: The share for education Why it matters: This is clearer and less awkward.
- 10. Wrong year Original: in 1960 Suggested revision: in 1950 Why it matters: The first pie chart is for 1950, not 1960.
- 11. Awkward comparison Original: insignificantly spent 0.3% more Suggested revision: spent 0.3 percentage points more Why it matters: Use percentage points to compare two percentages.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: The expenditure ratio for food soared in 6 decades while an overwhelming portion of the expenditure went on for housing in 1950. Suggested revision: Overall, housing dominated household spending in 1950, while food became the largest category by 2010. Why it matters: This gives the main contrast more directly.
Suggested Rewrites
- expenses on expenditure in
- The expenditure ratio for food soared The share spent on food rose sharply
- went on for housing went on housing
- was made for the housing and food was for housing and food
- In opposite By contrast
- lowest amount of money spent on lowest share of spending in
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response identifies the major shift from housing dominance in 1950 to food as the largest category in 2010 and includes most important figures. The main weakness is a wrong date, 1960 instead of 1950, and some imprecise explanation of increases and decreases.
Correct the date error and describe changes in percentage points, especially housing falling from 72.1% to 22% and food rising from 11.2% to 34%.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report has a clear overview and details, and comparisons are generally easy to follow. Some transitions are awkward and the final sentence repeats the overview rather than adding new synthesis.
Group categories into major changes: housing down sharply, food and other up, transport up, and health care still lowest.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is mostly adequate, but expressions such as expense ratio, went on for housing, and lowest amount of money spent on are not fully natural.
Use share of expenditure, accounted for, rose, fell, and remained the smallest category.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There are several article, preposition, and tense errors, but they rarely block meaning.
Check article use with categories and use by for changes, such as increased by roughly three times.