The charts below show the results of a survey of adult education. The first chart shows the reasons why adults decide to study. The pie chart shows how people think the costs of adult education should be shared. Reasons why adult people decide to study (figures in percentages)
Sample Response
The figures illustrate the result of an opinion survey about the reason why adult people choose to study and how tuition costs should be funded. It is clear that based on the survey result, the two main reasons why adults have continued their study are due to they are interested in subjects and to obtain the degree. It is also noticed that the survey also shows that most of the education cost should be funded by individuals themselves.
It can be seen that the two main purposes why adult continue their study are because they interested with the program and to obtain the qualification, as these two reasons result reached 40% and 38% respectively. Meanwhile, the percentages of the survey for reasons of helpful for their current job, improving prospect and promotion, and that they like studying were in the range between 22% and 20%. As for figures of those who study for the purpose of changing jobs and to meet new people, they were below 15% each.
As for the survey result of the education cost, it is obvious that 40% of the cost should become the burden of the respective person themselves. Then 35% should be provided by the employer and 25% from the taxpayer.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Plural result Original: The figures illustrate the result Suggested revision: The charts illustrate the results Why it matters: There are two charts and multiple survey results.
- 2. Natural phrase Original: adult people Suggested revision: adults Why it matters: Adult people is understandable but unnatural.
- 3. Clause pattern Original: the two main reasons why adults have continued their study are due to they are interested Suggested revision: the two main reasons why adults continue studying are interest in the subject Why it matters: Due to they are is ungrammatical; use a noun phrase after are.
- 4. Chart wording Original: to obtain the degree Suggested revision: to gain qualifications Why it matters: The chart says qualifications, not a single degree.
- 5. Repetition Original: It is also noticed that the survey also shows Suggested revision: The cost chart also shows Why it matters: Also is repeated and the subject can be clearer.
- 6. Agreement Original: why adult continue their study Suggested revision: why adults continue their studies Why it matters: Adults should be plural, and studies is the natural noun here.
- 7. Missing verb Original: because they interested with the program Suggested revision: because they are interested in the subject Why it matters: Use are interested in, not interested with.
- 8. Data phrase Original: these two reasons result reached 40% and 38% Suggested revision: these two reasons accounted for 40% and 38% Why it matters: Accounted for is the natural phrase for percentages in a chart.
- 9. Noun phrase Original: reasons of helpful for their current job Suggested revision: the reason of being helpful for their current job Why it matters: The phrase needs a grammatical noun form.
- 10. Natural wording Original: improving prospect and promotion Suggested revision: improving promotion prospects Why it matters: This is more concise and idiomatic.
- 11. Article use Original: As for figures of those Suggested revision: As for the figures for those Why it matters: The noun phrase needs the article and the preposition for.
- 12. Awkward cost phrase Original: should become the burden of the respective person themselves Suggested revision: should be paid by individuals themselves Why it matters: This is clearer and more neutral.
Suggested Rewrites
- The figures illustrate the result The charts illustrate the results
- adult people adults
- the two main reasons why adults have continued their study are due to they are interested the two main reasons why adults continue studying are interest in the subject
- to obtain the degree to gain qualifications
- It is also noticed that the survey also shows The cost chart also shows
- why adult continue their study why adults continue their studies
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response covers both charts, identifies the two main study reasons, and reports the cost-sharing proportions accurately. It could give a stronger overview by contrasting the top and bottom reasons and by noting that individuals are expected to pay the largest share.
Add a concise overview that names the highest and lowest reasons for study and the largest and smallest cost contributors.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report is well divided into introduction, reasons, and cost-sharing details. Some linking is repetitive and there are wordy phrases, but the overall progression is clear.
Use clearer comparative links such as by contrast, meanwhile, and the remaining reasons instead of repeating survey result.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate for survey data, but several phrases are unnatural, including adult people, burden, and result reached. Some repetition limits lexical range.
Use adult learners, respondents, proportions, accounted for, and should be paid by.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is generally clear, but errors with clauses, articles, subject-verb agreement, and prepositions occur throughout.
Focus on noun phrases and because-clauses, especially adults continue, they are interested in, and costs should be borne by.