The graph below shows the changes in food consumption by Chinese people between 1985 and 2010.
This response is estimated at Band 8.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The graph shows changes in the consumption of fish, salt and meatamount of fish, salt and meat eaten per person per week in China between 1985 and 2010.
From the graph we can see that people in China consumed more fish than either meat or salt throughout the period. In 1985, the consumption of fish stood at 610 grams, then increased to 700 grams in 1990. Although it dipped in 1995, it then rose steadily and reached 850 grams in 2010.
In contrast, there was a steady declineconsistent drop in salt consumption. Salt consumptionThe amount consumed decreased steadily from almost 500 grams per person to only 200 grams by 2010. The amount of meat consumed weekly started at about 100 grams. However, this gradually increased until 2005 and then remained stablegradually increased throughout the period. By 2010 meat consumption was at the same level as salt consumptionit was at the same level as the consumption of salt.
Overall, the consumption of fish rose, while the consumption of salt fell. In addition, the consumption of meat, although lower than fish consumptionwhile at a relatively low level, rose significantly during this period.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response gives a clear, accurate overview and selects the main trends and useful figures, with especially effective comparisons between the three foods. Its main limitation is that it could make the contrasting rates of change and the final convergence of meat and salt more explicit. Prioritise a slightly more analytical overview and sharper cross-series comparisons while retaining the concise, controlled style.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response accurately identifies all three overall trends and supports them with appropriate start, peak, dip, and end figures.
Make the overview more comparative by highlighting fish's dominance and the convergence of meat and salt in 2010.
Coherence and Cohesion
The information progresses logically through a clear introduction, detailed comparisons, and a distinct overview, with cohesive links used naturally.
Integrate the overview immediately after the introduction to establish the main pattern before presenting the figures.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is precise and well suited to trend description, including effective choices such as stood at, dipped, and rose steadily.
Vary repeated nouns such as consumption and amount with carefully chosen references while preserving numerical precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of simple and complex structures is used accurately, with strong control of clauses, tense, and punctuation.
Add a carefully controlled comparative clause to express the relationship among all three series more compactly.