The illustrations show how chocolate is produced. The chart illustrates the manufacturing of chocolates.
Sample Response
Overall, it is immediately apparent from the chart that there are a total of 10 stages to producing chocolates, beginning with the ripe pods collected from cocoa trees and culminating in liquid chocolate produced.
In detail, ripe red pods have been collected from cocoa trees that only grow in South America, Africa and Indonesia. Next, pods are harvested, and white cocoa beans are pulled from outposts. Following this, beans go through the process of fermentation. After fermented beans get spread under the sun for drying then, dry beans are collected in massive sacks and transported by different modes of transportation such as lorries and trains.
In the subsequent stage, dried beans are taken to factories and go through the roasting process. Moreover, beans get roasted at 350°C and processed for the next stage. The beans are crushed by large round machines, which are separated the outer shell from the beans and move to the final stage of the process. The inner part of the beans gets pressed, and chocolate is produced in liquid form.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise wording Original: immediately apparent Suggested revision: clear Why it matters: Clear expresses the overview directly without an inflated introductory phrase.
- 2. Remove redundancy Original: a total of Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The number 10 already expresses the total.
- 3. Correct the preposition Original: to Suggested revision: in Why it matters: In correctly links the stages to the production process.
- 4. Use the mass noun Original: chocolates Suggested revision: chocolate Why it matters: Chocolate is uncountable when referring to the substance produced by the process.
- 5. Correct the first stage Original: beginning with the ripe pods collected from cocoa trees Suggested revision: beginning with ripe pods growing on cacao trees Why it matters: The diagram begins with ripe pods on the trees before the pods are harvested.
- 6. Complete the final phrase Original: culminating in liquid chocolate produced Suggested revision: culminating in the production of liquid chocolate Why it matters: The noun phrase clearly and grammatically identifies the process outcome.
- 7. Signal the first stage Original: In detail Suggested revision: First Why it matters: A sequencing marker better introduces the opening step of the process.
- 8. Add the definite article Original: white cocoa beans Suggested revision: the white cocoa beans Why it matters: The beans are the specific ones inside the harvested pods.
- 9. Correct the process term Original: pulled from outposts Suggested revision: removed from the pods Why it matters: Outposts is the wrong word and does not describe extracting beans from cacao pods.
- 10. Use a direct passive Original: go through the process of fermentation Suggested revision: are fermented Why it matters: The passive verb states the processing stage more directly.
- 11. Describe one machine Original: large round machines Suggested revision: a large round machine Why it matters: The diagram depicts the beans being crushed in a single machine.
- 12. Fix the relative clause Original: which are separated Suggested revision: which separates Why it matters: The singular machine is the subject performing the separation.
Suggested Rewrites
- immediately apparent clear
- a total of Delete
- to in
- chocolates chocolate
- beginning with the ripe pods collected from cocoa trees beginning with ripe pods growing on cacao trees
- culminating in liquid chocolate produced culminating in the production of liquid chocolate
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response successfully presents the process in a clear chronological sequence, includes an effective overview, and covers all ten stages from growing cocoa pods to pressing the beans into liquid chocolate. Its main limitation is recurrent grammatical and lexical awkwardness, including an inaccurate claim that the trees only grow in the named regions, so the priority is to use precise process verbs and consistently controlled passive clauses.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response gives a clear overview and covers all ten stages accurately apart from a small unsupported claim about where cocoa trees can grow.
Describe the regions as the locations shown for cultivation without adding the unsupported restriction that cocoa trees only grow there.
Coherence and Cohesion
The stages progress logically from cultivation to production, although some linking is mechanical or awkwardly placed.
Use simpler chronological links and avoid additive connectors such as Moreover when merely continuing a sequence.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient process vocabulary to convey the sequence, but several choices are inaccurate or unnatural, including outposts and massive sacks.
Use exact visual terms such as pods, large sacks, crushed and outer shell removed.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning remains clear, but recurring errors in passive forms, clause structure and sentence boundaries limit grammatical control.
Practise consistent present-simple passives and separate overloaded sequences into accurately formed sentences.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The illustrations show how chocolate is produced. The chart illustrates the manufacturing of chocolates.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.