The illustrations show how chocolate is produced.
Sample Response
The diagram depicts the process of producing chocolate.
Overall, making chocolate starts from growing trees and ends with pressing inner parts; it has 11 stages totally.
In the initial stage, the Cacao tree is grown in three different nations named South America, Africa and Indonesia, and there are ripe red pods on the handed of the tree. After that, pods have been harvested, and white coco beans were put out from it. Next, Beans were collected as well as fermented. Then, it spread in the sun so it can dry with the heat. In the fifth stage, it is put in large sacks. After this, it is transported via lorry or train.
Moving further, beans have been taken to the factory through transport. Following this, it has been roasted at 350 degrees Celsius. In the second last stage, beans are crushed in the circular machine to remove the outer shell. Eventually, two rollers in the machine pressed the inner part; by doing this, chocolate was produced in the form of liquid.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct stage count Original: 11 stages totally Suggested revision: 10 stages in total Why it matters: The visual presents ten numbered stages, so the stated total is inaccurate.
- 2. Use process tense Original: pods have been harvested Suggested revision: the pods are harvested Why it matters: A process description should use the present simple passive consistently.
- 3. Correct bean name Original: coco Suggested revision: cocoa Why it matters: Cocoa is the correct word for the beans shown in the process.
- 4. Fix pronoun phrase Original: put out from it Suggested revision: removed from them Why it matters: The plural pods require a plural pronoun and a more accurate passive verb.
- 5. Add passive form Original: it spread in the sun Suggested revision: they are spread in the sun Why it matters: The plural beans require a plural subject and passive construction.
- 6. Match plural subject Original: it Suggested revision: they Why it matters: The pronoun must agree with the plural noun beans.
- 7. Use plural pronoun Original: it is put in large sacks Suggested revision: they are put in large sacks Why it matters: The plural beans require they and a plural verb form.
- 8. Match plural beans Original: it is transported via lorry or train Suggested revision: they are transported by lorry or train Why it matters: The subject is the plural beans, and by is the natural preposition for transport.
- 9. Use present passive Original: it has been roasted Suggested revision: they are roasted Why it matters: The plural beans and process description require the present simple passive.
- 10. Correct temperature unit Original: Celsius Suggested revision: Fahrenheit Why it matters: The thermometer in the visual labels the roasting temperature as 350°F.
- 11. Use precise sequence term Original: the second last stage Suggested revision: the penultimate stage Why it matters: Penultimate expresses the stage immediately before the last more concisely.
- 12. Name the equipment Original: the circular machine Suggested revision: a crushing machine Why it matters: This wording identifies the equipment by its function rather than its shape.
Suggested Rewrites
- 11 stages totally 10 stages in total
- pods have been harvested the pods are harvested
- coco cocoa
- put out from it removed from them
- it spread in the sun they are spread in the sun
- it they
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response presents the production sequence in a generally clear order and covers nearly all stages shown. Its main weakness is limited accuracy and control: the overview incorrectly states that there are eleven stages, and frequent awkward or erroneous forms reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to verify the overview against the diagram and use consistent passive structures with clear singular and plural references.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response identifies the start and end points and describes nearly every stage, but the stated total of eleven stages is inaccurate and some details are imprecisely expressed.
Count the ten numbered stages accurately and describe each transformation using the diagram's exact process relationships.
Coherence and Cohesion
The stages progress logically through a clear overview and two detail paragraphs, although linking is mechanical and several pronoun references are unclear.
Group the agricultural and factory stages clearly while replacing vague references such as 'it' with the specific pods or beans.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is sufficient for the process, but repeated awkward collocations and word-choice errors such as 'put out' and 'through transport' limit precision.
Use accurate process verbs and collocations such as 'extracted,' 'spread out to dry,' 'transported,' and 'pressed.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mixture of simple and complex structures is attempted, but frequent errors in tense, agreement, articles, capitalization, and pronoun reference reduce control.
Maintain the present simple passive throughout and check that every verb and pronoun agrees with its stated subject.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The illustrations show how chocolate is produced.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.