The chart shows the number of visitors to a local cinema according to age in 2000.
Sample Response
The given pie chart gives information about the local cinema goers in the year 2000. The visitors to the cinema are divided into 5 main categories based on their age and the percentages of their numbers indicate that elder people went to movies more than younger people.
As given in the chart, the percentage of older (over 54 years old) people who went to the cinema comprises more than half of the total cinema visitors. This indicates the trend of cinema watching tendency of older people. They went to visit cinema hall more frequently than all other cinema viewers.
People who were between 31 to 45 years old showed the least interest and their percentage of visiting cinema went lowest (only 5%). Among the other three age groups ( aged from 10 to 30), younger people showed more interests than adults and thus the age group 10-15 went to watch cinema more than other two age groups. After the age 20, the interest of going to cinema declined according to the graph and that increased dramatically among the older people.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Hyphenate compound noun Original: local cinema goers Suggested revision: local cinema-goers Why it matters: Cinema-goer is conventionally written as a hyphenated compound noun.
- 2. Use natural reporting phrase Original: given Suggested revision: shown Why it matters: Shown is the natural verb for referring readers to visual information.
- 3. State group directly Original: older (over 54 years old) people Suggested revision: people aged 55 and over Why it matters: This form expresses the chart's age category clearly and concisely.
- 4. Give exact proportion Original: comprises more than half Suggested revision: comprised 51% Why it matters: The chart supplies the precise proportion for this group.
- 5. Remove redundant wording Original: the trend of cinema watching tendency Suggested revision: the cinema-going pattern Why it matters: Trend and tendency duplicate each other, while cinema-going is the natural expression.
- 6. Fix age phrase Original: ( aged from 10 to 30) Suggested revision: (aged 10 to 30) Why it matters: Aged takes the age range directly without from.
- 7. Use uncountable noun Original: interests Suggested revision: interest Why it matters: Interest is uncountable when it means general enthusiasm.
- 8. Order age modifier Original: the age group 10-15 Suggested revision: the 10–15 age group Why it matters: The age range should precede and modify age group.
- 9. Describe chart share Original: went to watch cinema more than Suggested revision: accounted for a larger share than Why it matters: The pie chart compares proportions of visitors rather than how often each group attended.
- 10. Add definite article Original: other two age groups Suggested revision: the other two age groups Why it matters: The definite article is required because two specific remaining groups are identified.
- 11. Fix age expression Original: After the age 20 Suggested revision: After age 20 Why it matters: Age is used without the in this expression.
- 12. Describe measured proportion Original: the interest of going to cinema Suggested revision: the proportion of cinema visitors Why it matters: The chart measures visitor shares and cannot establish people's level of interest.
Suggested Rewrites
- local cinema goers local cinema-goers
- given shown
- older (over 54 years old) people people aged 55 and over
- comprises more than half comprised 51%
- the trend of cinema watching tendency the cinema-going pattern
- ( aged from 10 to 30) (aged 10 to 30)
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response has a clear basic structure and identifies the largest and smallest age groups, so the central pattern is easy to follow. Its main limitation is that it reports very few of the chart’s percentages and repeatedly interprets visitor shares as frequency or interest, claims the visual does not establish. The highest priority is to compare all five groups with accurate figures and avoid unsupported behavioural conclusions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The report identifies the dominant 55-and-over group and the smallest 31–45 group, but supporting data are sparse and several interpretations are unsupported.
Report the five shares directly—51%, 21%, 15%, 8%, and 5%—and describe proportions rather than inferred interest or visit frequency.
Coherence and Cohesion
The three-paragraph structure provides clear overall progression, though the second paragraph repeats the same older-visitor point rather than extending the comparison.
Combine the overview into one concise statement and organise the details into the older majority versus the four smaller groups.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate vocabulary for categorisation and comparison, but imprecise collocations such as ‘elder people’ and ‘more interests’ recur.
Use precise forms such as ‘older people,’ ‘accounted for,’ ‘the smallest proportion,’ and ‘showed greater interest’ only when the data supports interest.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex sentences, but frequent article, preposition, plural, and clause-control errors reduce accuracy.
Correct forms such as ‘between 31 and 45,’ ‘the other two age groups,’ and ‘after age 20,’ while checking articles and plural nouns.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The chart shows the number of visitors to a local cinema according to age in 2000.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.