The graph and table below show the average monthly temperatures and the average number of hours of sunshine per year in three major cities.
Sample Response
The line graph illustrates the mean temperature per month, whereas the table demonstrates the hours of sunshine in average in a year in London, New York and Sydney. Overall, it is clear that although London and New York become warmer but the temperatures start to decrease near the end of the year, the opposite trend is true for Sydney.
In January, the temperature in London is higher than New York with figures 8 and around 5 respectively. As the temperatures in both cities continue to rise, the temperature in New York becomes higher than London in middle of March; the figures go up gradually and reach peaks in July (just under 30 and around 23) before showing a downward trend until December with a lower temperature in New York than in London.
Turning to Sydney, the temperature starts to decline from January to July and then rises back in the end of the year with the lowest point just above 15. From the table, it is observed that New York has the highest number of hours exposed to the sunshine (2535 hours) and that was slightly higher than that of Sydney (2473 hours). Total hours of sunshine in London was the least and that was 1180 hours.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use annual average phrase Original: hours of sunshine in average in a year Suggested revision: average annual hours of sunshine Why it matters: The revision uses the standard adjective order and removes incorrect prepositions.
- 2. Complete city comparison Original: higher than New York Suggested revision: higher than in New York Why it matters: In is required because temperatures, rather than the cities themselves, are being compared.
- 3. Add temperature units Original: with figures 8 and around 5 respectively Suggested revision: at 8°C and around 5°C, respectively Why it matters: The graph reports temperature values in degrees Celsius, so the unit should be stated.
- 4. Fix time phrase Original: in middle of March Suggested revision: in mid-March Why it matters: Mid-March is the natural form for this point in the month.
- 5. Use natural trend phrase Original: rises back in the end of the year Suggested revision: rises again towards the end of the year Why it matters: Rises again and towards the end are the appropriate expressions for this trend.
- 6. Use sunshine measure Original: hours exposed to the sunshine Suggested revision: hours of sunshine Why it matters: The table measures sunshine duration, not the number of hours a city is exposed.
- 7. Link comparison correctly Original: and that was slightly higher Suggested revision: which is slightly higher Why it matters: The relative clause links New York's total directly to the comparison with Sydney.
- 8. Use chart terminology Original: mean temperature per month Suggested revision: average monthly temperatures Why it matters: The revision matches the measure shown by the line graph and reads more naturally.
- 9. Use neutral reporting verb Original: demonstrates Suggested revision: shows Why it matters: Shows is the natural reporting verb for numerical information in a table.
- 10. Complete second comparison Original: becomes higher than London Suggested revision: becomes higher than in London Why it matters: In is needed to compare New York's temperature with the temperature in London.
- 11. Clarify temperature reference Original: the figures go up gradually Suggested revision: both temperatures rise gradually Why it matters: Naming both temperatures removes the vague reference created by the figures.
- 12. Add peak units Original: just under 30 and around 23 Suggested revision: just under 30°C and around 23°C, respectively Why it matters: The July peak values need units, and respectively makes their order explicit.
Suggested Rewrites
- hours of sunshine in average in a year average annual hours of sunshine
- higher than New York higher than in New York
- with figures 8 and around 5 respectively at 8°C and around 5°C, respectively
- in middle of March in mid-March
- rises back in the end of the year rises again towards the end of the year
- hours exposed to the sunshine hours of sunshine
Why this response received Band 7.5
The report gives an effective overview, compares the contrasting seasonal patterns, and accurately incorporates the annual sunshine totals. Its main weakness is grammatical control in several otherwise ambitious sentences, with faulty conjunctions, missing articles, and awkward comparative phrasing. The most useful improvement would be to preserve the clear structure while editing each complex sentence for accurate clause linking and more natural expressions of figures and time.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response accurately presents the main temperature patterns, peaks, troughs, and all three annual sunshine totals.
Add one or two precise Sydney values to balance the detailed coverage given to London and New York.
Coherence and Cohesion
A clear overview and logically ordered paragraphs create strong progression from the northern cities to Sydney and the table.
Shorten the long sentence describing London and New York so its sequence of comparisons is easier to process.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied and generally precise, despite several unnatural combinations involving averages and sunshine exposure.
Prefer natural reporting phrases such as average annual sunshine and recorded temperatures.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The report uses varied sentence forms, but recurring errors in conjunctions, articles, prepositions, and agreement remain noticeable.
Eliminate double conjunctions such as although with but and check articles and subject-verb agreement during revision.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph and table below show the average monthly temperatures and the average number of hours of sunshine per year in three major cities.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.