The line graph and table show the average monthly temperatures and annual hours of sunshine in three major cities.
Sample Response
The line graph and the table gives data on average temperatures and yearly hours of sunshine in London, New York and Sydney.
Overall, the temperature patterns for London and New York are similar with the hottest weather being in July while the highest average temperature in Sydney is in January. The sunshine hours in New York and Sydney are nearly the same and much higher than the figure for London.
Looking at the monthly average temperatures in more detail, the changes in temperatures in London and New York show a similarity although the city in North America has warmer summers and colder winters. The average temperatures in both London and New York respectively peak at 23 degrees and 29 degrees in July, whereas January is the month when Sydney experiences the warmest weather with 25 degrees. New York’s temperatures decrease to an average of around 5 degrees in December/January, 3 degrees lower than the figure for London, while Sydney shows the lowest average temperatures in July, reaching just over 15 degrees.
As far as sunshine duration is concerned, New York and Sydney have relatively similar averages of 2,535 and 2,473 hours respectively. However, the annualy average number of sunshine hours across London stands at a much lower rate with 1,180 hours per year.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix subject agreement Original: gives Suggested revision: give Why it matters: The compound subject ‘The line graph and the table’ requires the plural verb ‘give’.
- 2. Use chart wording Original: yearly Suggested revision: annual Why it matters: ‘Annual hours of sunshine’ matches the measure shown in the table more precisely.
- 3. Use natural phrasing Original: show a similarity Suggested revision: follow similar patterns Why it matters: This collocation describes two comparable temperature trends more naturally.
- 4. Remove conflicting markers Original: both London and New York respectively Suggested revision: London and New York respectively Why it matters: ‘Both’ conflicts with ‘respectively’, which assigns the two figures in sequence.
- 5. Correct New York peak Original: 29 Suggested revision: 30 Why it matters: The graph shows New York reaching 30 degrees in July.
- 6. Correct spelling Original: annualy Suggested revision: annual Why it matters: The adjective modifying ‘average number’ is spelled ‘annual’.
- 7. Use location preposition Original: across Suggested revision: in Why it matters: ‘In London’ is the correct phrasing for a value recorded for the city.
- 8. Clarify the comparison Original: stands at a much lower rate with Suggested revision: is much lower, at Why it matters: Sunshine duration is expressed as a number of hours rather than a rate.
- 9. Correct London figure Original: 180 Suggested revision: 158 Why it matters: The table gives London’s annual sunshine total as 1,158 hours.
- 10. Use location preposition Original: for Suggested revision: in Why it matters: Temperature patterns occur ‘in’ cities rather than ‘for’ them in this context.
- 11. Name annual totals Original: The sunshine hours Suggested revision: The annual sunshine totals Why it matters: The table presents yearly totals rather than a general measure of sunshine hours.
- 12. Use concise phrasing Original: the changes in temperatures Suggested revision: temperature changes Why it matters: The shorter noun phrase conveys the same meaning more naturally.
Suggested Rewrites
- gives give
- yearly annual
- show a similarity follow similar patterns
- both London and New York respectively London and New York respectively
- 29 30
- annualy annual
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is well organised and uses a varied, generally precise range of language to present clear comparisons. Its main limitation is factual accuracy: it misidentifies Sydney’s warmest month and gives several incorrect temperature and sunshine figures. The highest-priority improvement is to check every reported value against the visual and ensure the overview states the true peak and overall patterns.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview and relevant comparisons are provided, but Sydney’s peak month and several reported values do not match the visual.
Verify each figure and identify Sydney’s December peak accurately in both the overview and detail paragraph.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically grouped into a clear overview, temperature analysis, and sunshine comparison with smooth progression.
Refine links within the long temperature paragraph so each city comparison is even easier to follow.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a sufficiently varied range of topic vocabulary, although a few spellings and collocations are imprecise.
Use exact forms such as annual average and avoid awkward combinations such as sunshine hours standing at a rate.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is generally well controlled, with occasional agreement and phrasing errors that do not impede meaning.
Check subject-verb agreement in constructions such as the line graph and table give data.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The line graph and table show the average monthly temperatures and annual hours of sunshine in three major cities.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.