The graph and table below show the average monthly temperatures and the average number of hours of sunshine per year in three major cities.
Sample Response
The graph and table provide information about the average monthly temperatures and hours of sunshine in three main cities per annum.
Overall, it can be seen that the monthly temperatures of Sydney dipped slightly, whiles new york and London increased gently at the end of the period. New York experienced longer hours of sunshine than its counterparts.
Sydney’s average monthly temperature stood at just over 25degree celsius, and it declined gently to hit 25 degrees in the third month. This figure decreased to reach a low of just over 15 degrees celsius in July before increasing to reach 25 degrees in the final month of the year. London had an average temperature of just under 10 degrees at the beginning of the period.
It rosed marginally to reach a high of a little below 25degree celsius between July and August before witnessing a downward trajectory to hit approximately 10 degrees at the end of the length of time. New york monthly temperature started at a little under 5degree celsius in January. It increased considerably until it reached a peak of around 30degrees in the middle of the year before falling back steadily to 5degrees at the end of the duration of time. Sydney’s monthly temperature was higher than its rivals both at the beginning and at the end of the period.
New York witnessed longer hours of sunshine, at 2,535. Following closed was Sydney, recording 2473hours. London saw the least number of sunshine hours with just 1,180. While hours for new york and Sydney were quite similar, London was about twice the cities mentioned earlier.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use specific reference Original: its counterparts Suggested revision: the other two cities Why it matters: Naming the comparison group directly is clearer in a factual report.
- 2. Correct Sydney value Original: just over 25degree celsius Suggested revision: about 26 degrees Celsius Why it matters: Sydney begins at approximately 26 degrees, and the unit needs its standard form.
- 3. Name the month Original: it declined gently to hit 25 degrees in the third month Suggested revision: it fell slightly to about 25 degrees in March Why it matters: Using the month name and a concise trend verb makes the description more precise.
- 4. Avoid redundancy Original: decreased to reach Suggested revision: fell to Why it matters: “Fell to” expresses the downward movement more directly.
- 5. Refine July figure Original: a low of just over 15 degrees celsius in July Suggested revision: a low of about 16 degrees Celsius in July Why it matters: The graph shows Sydney at roughly 16 degrees in July.
- 6. Name December Original: increasing to reach 25 degrees in the final month Suggested revision: rising to about 25 degrees in December Why it matters: This gives the endpoint more concisely and identifies the month explicitly.
- 7. Correct past tense Original: rosed Suggested revision: rose Why it matters: The past tense of “rise” is “rose,” not “rosed.”
- 8. Correct London peak Original: a high of a little below 25degree celsius Suggested revision: a peak of about 23 degrees Celsius Why it matters: London peaks at approximately 23 degrees in July and August.
- 9. Use natural timeframe Original: end of the length of time Suggested revision: end of the year Why it matters: This is the natural expression for the December endpoint.
- 10. Fix name and possessive Original: york Suggested revision: York's Why it matters: The city name requires capitalization and the possessive form before “temperature.”
- 11. Correct January value Original: a little under 5degree celsius Suggested revision: about 4 degrees Celsius Why it matters: New York starts at approximately 4 degrees in January.
- 12. Refine peak value Original: around 30degrees Suggested revision: about 29 degrees Celsius Why it matters: The New York line peaks just below 30 degrees, at roughly 29.
Suggested Rewrites
- its counterparts the other two cities
- just over 25degree celsius about 26 degrees Celsius
- it declined gently to hit 25 degrees in the third month it fell slightly to about 25 degrees in March
- decreased to reach fell to
- a low of just over 15 degrees celsius in July a low of about 16 degrees Celsius in July
- increasing to reach 25 degrees in the final month rising to about 25 degrees in December
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response covers both visuals in substantial detail, and most monthly temperatures and annual sunshine totals are accurately reported. However, the overview does not clearly capture the contrasting seasonal patterns, and the final sunshine comparison reverses London's relationship to the other cities; recurring awkward expressions also reduce precision. Prioritise a fully accurate overview and verify every comparative statement, especially that London receives roughly half as much sunshine as New York and Sydney.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Most figures and seasonal movements are covered accurately, but the overview is imprecise and the final comparison about London's sunshine is reversed.
Summarise the opposing seasonal patterns clearly and check that London has about half, rather than twice, the sunshine of the other cities.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically divided between the overview, temperature details, and sunshine totals, although some referencing and repetitive time expressions are awkward.
Keep each city's description together and replace vague phrases such as 'the end of the duration of time' with concise month references.
Lexical Resource
There is an adequate range of language for trends and comparisons, but several collocations and word choices are inaccurate or unnatural.
Use precise combinations such as 'rose marginally,' 'recorded the second-highest total,' and 'received fewer sunshine hours.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a mix of sentence forms, but recurring errors in verb forms, capitalization, articles, and possessives reduce control.
Proofread finite verbs and noun phrases carefully, correcting forms such as 'rose' and 'New York's monthly temperature.'
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph and table below show the average monthly temperatures and the average number of hours of sunshine per year in three major cities.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.