The diagram below shows the steps of processing cocoa beans.
Sample Response
The yielded diagram demonstrates the processing of cocoa beans.
Overall, it can be clearly seen that this process is divided into three steps from collecting beans to distribute them to consumers.
In the first step, the process begins with pickup whole beans from the field later differ from their shells and dry under sunlight. In the next step, pressing dried beans and make cocoa liquor. The next stage of the process is divided into two parts. If it was pressing further, it makes cocoa and cocoa cake, whereas another is that industrial chocolates after refining and adding sugar and cocoa.
I’m the last and third step, after griding cocoa cake, it makes cocoa powder which also makes from industrial cakes drinks. In the following stage, cocoa powder distributes to consumers. Further processing on industrial chocolate output is chocolate products that go straight to consumers.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use correct descriptor Original: yielded Suggested revision: given Why it matters: Given is the standard adjective for referring to the supplied diagram.
- 2. Use parallel noun form Original: to distribute them Suggested revision: their distribution Why it matters: A noun phrase is needed to form the parallel sequence from collecting to distribution.
- 3. Add passive verb Original: pressing dried beans Suggested revision: the dried beans are pressed Why it matters: The sentence needs a finite passive verb to describe this process stage.
- 4. Show process result Original: and make Suggested revision: to produce Why it matters: The infinitive correctly expresses the result of pressing the beans.
- 5. Name the split precisely Original: parts Suggested revision: branches Why it matters: Branches more accurately describes the two paths shown after cocoa liquor.
- 6. Fix process clause Original: If it was pressing further Suggested revision: With further pressing Why it matters: This prepositional phrase correctly introduces the next processing action.
- 7. Clarify the subject Original: it makes cocoa and cocoa cake Suggested revision: cocoa liquor produces cocoa and cocoa cake Why it matters: Naming cocoa liquor removes the unclear pronoun and states the source material.
- 8. Link the second branch Original: whereas another is that Suggested revision: whereas the other branch produces Why it matters: This connector creates a clear grammatical contrast between the two process branches.
- 9. Use uncountable noun Original: chocolates Suggested revision: chocolate Why it matters: Chocolate is uncountable when it refers to the intermediate material.
- 10. Clarify processing inputs Original: after refining and adding sugar and cocoa Suggested revision: after further refining, with sugar and cocoa added Why it matters: This wording reflects the refining stage and the two inputs shown in the diagram.
- 11. Identify the branch ending Original: In the following stage Suggested revision: At the end of this branch Why it matters: The replacement links distribution specifically to the cocoa-powder branch.
- 12. Use passive voice Original: cocoa powder distributes Suggested revision: cocoa powder is distributed Why it matters: The product receives the action, so a passive verb is required.
Suggested Rewrites
- yielded given
- to distribute them their distribution
- pressing dried beans the dried beans are pressed
- and make to produce
- parts branches
- If it was pressing further With further pressing
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response recognises the three broad stages and follows both main branches through to consumer products, so the overall process can be reconstructed. However, frequent grammatical and word-choice errors make several relationships unclear, especially the route from cocoa and cocoa powder to industrial cakes and drinks; the slight shortfall in length also limits detail. Prioritise accurate passive process sentences and clarify each branch step by step.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main sequence and product branches are largely covered, but some relationships are unclear and the response is slightly under length.
Explain explicitly that cocoa liquor splits into further pressing and refining, then trace each resulting product to its final destination.
Coherence and Cohesion
The staged paragraph structure supports basic progression, although linking and referencing within the body are often awkward or unclear.
Use a consistent sequence such as “first,” “after this,” “the process then divides,” and “finally” for each distinct stage.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate process vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate choices and formations such as “yielded,” “pickup,” and “griding” reduce precision.
Use accurate forms including “given diagram,” “picking,” “separated from their shells,” and “grinding.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent errors in verb forms, sentence construction, articles, and passive structures sometimes make meaning difficult to follow.
Build each stage with a controlled passive pattern, for example, “The beans are picked, shelled, dried, and then pressed.”
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagram below shows the steps of processing cocoa beans.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.