The flowchart illustrates the production of coloured plastic paper clips in a small factory.
Sample Response
There are four main stages in the production of plastic paper clips from this small factory. Two of these stages involve actual preparation of the clips, while the other two consist of quality control before the clips are sent out from the factory to the retailers to be sold to the public.
To begin with, molten plastic is poured into three different moulds depending on the colour required; the colours are red, blue and yellow. Once these clips emerge from the moulds a quality control machine checks them for strength. Unsatisfactory clips are rejected. In the third stage in the process the clips are stored by hand into two groups, mixed and single colours. When this stage is complete the groups are checked a second time to ensure that the colour mixtures are divided correctly into single colours and mixed colour batches. Finally, the clips are packed and dispatched to the markets.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use location preposition Original: from Suggested revision: in Why it matters: The process takes place in the factory, so 'in' is the natural preposition.
- 2. Use precise process term Original: actual preparation Suggested revision: the manufacture Why it matters: 'Manufacture' describes these production stages more precisely.
- 3. Remove unsupported destination Original: before the clips are sent out from the factory to the retailers to be sold to the public Suggested revision: before the clips are packed and dispatched Why it matters: The diagram shows packing and dispatch but does not identify retailers or the public.
- 4. Add introductory comma Original: moulds a quality Suggested revision: moulds, a quality Why it matters: A comma is needed after the introductory clause beginning with 'Once'.
- 5. Correct process verb Original: stored Suggested revision: sorted Why it matters: The diagram shows the clips being sorted, not stored.
- 6. Remove redundant wording Original: In the third stage in the process Suggested revision: In the third stage, Why it matters: The shorter transition avoids repeating the idea of a stage within a process.
- 7. Delete unsupported endpoint Original: to the markets Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: No market destination is shown after packing and dispatch.
- 8. Sentence rewrite Original: When this stage is complete the groups are checked a second time to ensure that the colour mixtures are divided correctly into single colours and mixed colour batches. Suggested revision: When this stage is complete, the two groups are checked to ensure that the clips have been correctly separated into single-colour and mixed-colour batches. Why it matters: This revision clarifies what is checked and corrects the awkward passive construction.
- 9. Include the return loop Suggested revision: Add that clips failing the second colour check return to hand sorting before packing. Why it matters: The response omits the return arrow from the colour-control stage to hand sorting.
Suggested Rewrites
- from in
- actual preparation the manufacture
- before the clips are sent out from the factory to the retailers to be sold to the public before the clips are packed and dispatched
- moulds a quality moulds, a quality
- stored sorted
- In the third stage in the process In the third stage,
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents the process clearly, with a strong overview and an accurate, logically sequenced account of the principal production and checking stages. Its main weakness is a small loss of precision: sorting is called storing, and the outcome for clips that fail the second colour check is omitted. Prioritise exact process terminology and include the return-to-sorting loop shown in the diagram.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response provides a clear overview and accurately covers nearly all major stages, but it omits the return loop after the second quality check.
Show that incorrectly grouped clips return to manual sorting before being checked again.
Coherence and Cohesion
The process is organised in a logical sequence, and cohesive references guide the reader smoothly through the stages.
Use a separate sentence or clearer transition when moving from the second quality check to the final outcome.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise process vocabulary is used effectively, with the isolated choice of stored instead of sorted reducing precision slightly.
Check process verbs carefully so that each action matches the diagram exactly.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A varied range of complex structures is handled accurately, with only minor punctuation and phrasing imperfections.
Refine punctuation around longer stage descriptions to make already accurate complex sentences even easier to read.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The flowchart illustrates the production of coloured plastic paper clips in a small factory.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.