The diagram below shows the typical stages of consumer goods manufacturing including the process by which information is fed back to earlier stages to enable adjustment.
Sample Response
The diagram illustrates a representative 16 stages of production of goods for the consumers, which includes embracing the process of flow of manufacture and feedback to enable the possible adjustment.
Overall, it is immediately apparent from the chart that there are ten stages in this process and six stages for adjustment in the process as a feedback process. We are beginning the process with the raw material, manufactured components and product Research and Culminating in sales.
To begin, according to the flow manufacturing process, firstly raw material and manufactured components are stored in one place, which is called storage, and the next stage is a production planning, which includes product research and follows with design, then get back to the third stage of the previous stage. After the planning, the production then turns in the fifth stage, assembly following this good transferred into inspection stage. Afterwards, when the work is completed then passed in the testing point, which goods are checked and tested in a good manner. In the subsequent stage, goods go with the packaging, which is followed by the dispatching stage. Finally, successfully dispatched and ready for sales which are considered the final stage.
However, there are a few steps of information feedback, according to the next process inflow of information feedback. Firstly, the production planning should be replaced with the storage stage and would be adjusted with the sale stage would at first, and the sales step should be adjusted with the production planning and with market research as earlier feedback, then market research needs to be adjusted with two packagings and advertising. Meanwhile, the stage of testing and market research should be changed with design as feedback in the manufacturing process of goods.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix noun phrase Original: a representative 16 stages Suggested revision: 16 typical stages Why it matters: The article and singular adjective do not agree with the plural noun.
- 2. Use concise term Original: production of goods for the consumers Suggested revision: consumer-goods production Why it matters: This compound phrase expresses the process more naturally and precisely.
- 3. Clarify process wording Original: which includes embracing the process of flow of manufacture Suggested revision: including the manufacturing flow Why it matters: The original wording is unnatural and obscures what the diagram presents.
- 4. Use plural noun Original: the possible adjustment Suggested revision: possible adjustments Why it matters: The feedback system permits multiple adjustments at different earlier stages.
- 5. Identify feedback links Original: six stages for adjustment in the process as a feedback process Suggested revision: six feedback links that enable adjustments to earlier stages Why it matters: The blue elements are feedback connections rather than six additional manufacturing stages.
- 6. Use objective present Original: We are beginning the process Suggested revision: The process begins Why it matters: A process description requires an impersonal present-simple construction.
- 7. Use plural materials Original: with the raw material Suggested revision: with raw materials Why it matters: The diagram labels this input as the plural category raw materials.
- 8. Fix capitalization Original: Research Suggested revision: research Why it matters: A common process-stage label should not be capitalized mid-sentence.
- 9. Complete the verb Original: Culminating Suggested revision: culminates Why it matters: The coordinated verb must agree with the singular subject and use consistent capitalization.
- 10. Clarify transition Original: the production then turns in the fifth stage Suggested revision: the process then moves to the next stage Why it matters: The original collocation does not clearly express movement through the sequence.
- 11. Repair stage sequence Original: assembly following this good transferred into inspection stage Suggested revision: assembly, after which the goods are transferred to the inspection stage Why it matters: The revision supplies a subject, verb, and clear link between the two stages.
- 12. Use process verb Original: go with the packaging Suggested revision: move to packaging Why it matters: Move to accurately describes progression to the next stage.
Suggested Rewrites
- a representative 16 stages 16 typical stages
- production of goods for the consumers consumer-goods production
- which includes embracing the process of flow of manufacture including the manufacturing flow
- the possible adjustment possible adjustments
- six stages for adjustment in the process as a feedback process six feedback links that enable adjustments to earlier stages
- We are beginning the process The process begins
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response successfully traces most of the main manufacturing sequence and separates that flow from the feedback system. Its principal weakness is that several feedback links are described as stages being replaced or changed, which obscures the diagram's actual relationships, while frequent grammatical and collocational errors further reduce clarity. Prioritise describing each arrow accurately with short, controlled sentences, especially the links from sales, testing, and market research.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview and most main production stages are included, but the design input and several feedback connections are inaccurately or confusingly reported.
Trace each arrow from its source to destination and distinguish manufacturing stages from information-feedback links.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing separates the main process from feedback, but overloaded sentences and imprecise referencing make progression difficult in places.
Use one sentence for each small group of linked stages and make every pronoun or reference explicit.
Lexical Resource
The response uses some process vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations such as 'adjusted with' and 'testing point' weaken precision.
Use standard process phrases such as 'feeds back to,' 'leads to,' and 'is followed by.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are attempted, but frequent agreement, article, clause, and sentence-boundary errors often disrupt readability.
Build shorter complete sentences with clear subjects and verbs before combining them into complex structures.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagram below shows the typical stages of consumer goods manufacturing including the process by which information is fed back to earlier stages to enable adjustment.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.