The bar chart below gives information about four countries spending habits of shopping on consumer goods in 2012.
Sample Response
The supplied bar chart compares the expenditure on consumer goods by the shoppers of four different countries namely Belgium, Spain, Austria and Britain for the year 2012. The chart shows the expenses in thousands of pounds for six main consumer goods. As is presented in the graph, British people spent the highest amount while citizens of Belgium seems like spent the least amount in for the given six consumer products.
For console games, citizens of these four countries expended around 150 thousand pounds on an average and British people spent more than other nations. The expenditure for outdoor game accessories was almost similar to the expenditure of console games. For the cosmetics, again British people spent more than other nations and the average expense was close to the game devices (console and outdoor). Similar expense pattern can be observed for the books and people of Belgium spent the least amount on books among the four nations. The highest expenditure made by the given four nations was in camera and the expenses made by British, Austrian, Spain and Belgian were approximately 170, 166, 156 and 145 thousand pounds consecutively. These nations spent a little less on toys, which was the second most expenditure category.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise preposition Original: by the shoppers of Suggested revision: in Why it matters: Country expenditure is expressed more naturally with 'in'.
- 2. Set off namely Original: four different countries namely Suggested revision: four countries, namely Why it matters: A comma should introduce the explanatory list after 'namely'.
- 3. Use concise time phrase Original: for the year 2012 Suggested revision: in 2012 Why it matters: The shorter phrase is natural and fully precise.
- 4. Use chart term Original: expenses Suggested revision: expenditure Why it matters: 'Expenditure' is the more precise term for the amounts shown.
- 5. Use natural verb Original: expended Suggested revision: spent Why it matters: People 'spent' money; 'expended' is unnatural in this context.
- 6. Correct fixed phrase Original: on an average Suggested revision: on average Why it matters: The standard fixed expression is 'on average' without an article.
- 7. Remove unnecessary article Original: For the cosmetics Suggested revision: For cosmetics Why it matters: The product category is used generally and does not take 'the'.
- 8. Compare spending clearly Original: the average expense was close to the game devices Suggested revision: average spending was close to that on the two game-related categories Why it matters: Money spent on categories should be compared with spending, not with devices themselves.
- 9. Add article Original: Similar expense pattern Suggested revision: A similar spending pattern Why it matters: A singular countable noun phrase requires an article.
- 10. Remove category article Original: for the books Suggested revision: for books Why it matters: The category name is general and does not require 'the'.
- 11. Use concise demonym Original: people of Belgium Suggested revision: Belgian consumers Why it matters: This is a concise and consistent way to identify the group.
- 12. Correct preposition and number Original: in camera Suggested revision: on cameras Why it matters: Money is spent 'on' goods, and the category label is plural.
Suggested Rewrites
- by the shoppers of in
- four different countries namely four countries, namely
- for the year 2012 in 2012
- expenses expenditure
- expended spent
- on an average on average
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear overall comparison, accurately identifying Britain as the highest spender and Belgium as generally the lowest, and it covers all six product categories. The camera figures are particularly useful, but several other comparisons remain general rather than numerically supported, and awkward phrasing reduces precision. The highest-priority improvement is to group the categories and add a few more exact cross-country comparisons using natural expenditure language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The overview is accurate, all categories are covered and the camera data are reported precisely, though several other comparisons lack specific supporting figures.
Add selected figures for books, toys and one lower-spending category to substantiate the otherwise accurate cross-country patterns.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report moves clearly from the overall national pattern to category-by-category details, with comparisons that are generally easy to follow.
Group categories with similar spending levels rather than listing them sequentially in one long paragraph.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied for chart comparison, but recurring collocational problems with expenses, expended and expenditure made reduce naturalness.
Use consistent phrases such as spending on, expenditure on and spent approximately, and use respectively when matching figures to countries.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied comparative structures, but agreement, article and noun-form errors recur and occasionally make clauses awkward.
Check agreement and possessive forms carefully, especially four countries' spending habits, Belgian citizens seem to have spent and the second-highest category.