The bar charts below show the prevalence of obesity among boys and girls aged 12 to 19 years by ethnicity, in the United States for the years 2004 and 2014.
Sample Response
The bar graphs reveal data on obesity rates among US boys and girlsamong the US boys and girls between 12 and 19 years in 2004 and 2014 by ethnicitybased on their demographics. Overall, Hispanic boys had the highest rates in both yearsmore Hispanic boys suffered from obesity while this rate was higher among the Non-Hispanic black girls. According to the first bar chartthe first column graph, more than one out of ten Non-Hispanic white boys aged between 12 and 19boys who aged between 12 and 19 were obesecorpulent in 2004. The rates were 11% for Black boys and 13% for Hispanic boysA similar percentage of boys who were Hispanic or non-Hispanic Black boysNon-Hispanic blacks suffered from the same problem. On the contrary, 9% of girls9% girls of this age group from the Non-Hispanic US citizens were obeseoverweight, slightly less than that of boys from the same ethnicity. However, the obesity rate among Non-Hispanic black girls was the highest, 16% in this year, which was 5% higher than that of boys from the same ethnic group and 7 and 4 percentage points higher7 and 4 percent higher than that of white and Hispanic girls respectively. After a decade, the percentage of obese Hispanic boys increased to 27% an increase of 14 percentage pointswhich was a 14% rise. One in five non-Hispanic Black boys wasEvery one in five Non-Hispanic boys were overweight in 2014 which was slightly more than that of whitewhile boys. Finally, the rate of obesity among the rate among non-Hispanic Black girls rose to 29%Non-Hispanic girls swelled to 29%, a 13% rise, which was higher than that of girls in the other ethnic groupsother ethnic girls. Evidently, more Hispanic boys and Non-Hispanic girls, 27% and 29%, respectively27 and 29% consecutively, were obese in the US in 2014 than boys and girls of other ethnicity.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response identifies the leading groups for boys and girls and includes many relevant figures from both years. However, several comparisons are inaccurate or ambiguously labelled, including the 2004 boys and the description of 2014 non-Hispanic girls, while obesity is repeatedly replaced by the broader term overweight. Improve by organising data systematically by gender and year and checking every percentage-point comparison.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Key trends are recognised and many data points are used, but inaccurate comparisons and category labels weaken reliability.
Check every value against both charts and distinguish percentage points from percentage change.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report has an overview and a generally logical sequence, but shifts between boys, girls, years, and ethnicities are sometimes abrupt.
Use one detail paragraph for 2004 and another for 2014, comparing boys and girls consistently.
Lexical Resource
There is some range, but several words are imprecise or inappropriate for statistical reporting.
Use obesity consistently and choose neutral verbs such as rose or increased.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning remains clear, but article, agreement, modifier, and comparison structures contain frequent errors.
Practise percentage noun phrases and clauses comparing one group with another.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The bar charts below show the prevalence of obesity among boys and girls aged 12 to 19 years by ethnicity, in the United States for the years 2004 and 2014.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.