The graph below shows the consumption of three spreads from 1981 to 2007.
Sample Response
The line graph illustrates how many weekly hospital admissions there were in Fortsmith, Adlin, Stanton, Bardley and Oxley, which are hospitals located in a European country, between 2004 and 2018.
Overall, for most of the period given Bardley had the most admissions, while Stanton had the least. Oxley was the only hospital to see a decline in admissions and Fortsmith was unique in that their admission figures remained relatively stable over the period. Admissions to all other hospitals increased during the years given.
Admissions to Oxley hospital started at just under 250 a week in 2004 but more than halved by the final year (just over 100 admissions). Fortsmith weekly hospital admissions fluctuated at around 200 for the whole period.
On the other hand, the number of people admitted to Adlin hospital rose dramatically from just over 100 in the first year to 250 by 2018. Likewise, Bardley also saw a rise from 200 to peak at over 250, the highest for any hospital. In terms of Stanton hospital, only approximately 70 people were admitted in 2004 and this gradually climbed to slightly over 150 in 2018.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Punctuate the opening phrase Original: period given Bardley Suggested revision: period shown, Bardley Why it matters: The introductory prepositional phrase should be separated from the main clause with a comma.
- 2. Match the singular subject Original: their Suggested revision: its Why it matters: Fortsmith is a singular hospital, so the possessive determiner should be singular.
- 3. Use concise time reference Original: during the years given Suggested revision: over the period Why it matters: This phrase refers back to the full time span more concisely.
- 4. Clarify the decrease Original: more than halved Suggested revision: fell by more than half Why it matters: The active phrase accurately expresses a reduction of more than fifty percent.
- 5. Fix the noun phrase Original: Fortsmith weekly hospital admissions Suggested revision: Weekly admissions at Fortsmith Why it matters: The revised noun phrase clearly shows that the admissions belong to this hospital.
- 6. Use additive transition Original: On the other hand Suggested revision: Meanwhile Why it matters: This paragraph continues the survey of hospitals rather than presenting a direct opposing argument.
- 7. Capitalise the proper name Original: hospital Suggested revision: Hospital Why it matters: Hospital forms part of the institution's proper name in this construction.
- 8. Report the peak precisely Original: from 200 to peak at over 250 Suggested revision: from 200 to a peak of about 270 Why it matters: The chart shows Bardley reaching roughly 270, and the revised phrase is grammatically complete.
- 9. Correct the starting figure Original: 70 Suggested revision: 80 Why it matters: The Stanton line begins at about 80 admissions in 2004.
- 10. Refine the time phrase Original: for Suggested revision: throughout Why it matters: Throughout makes the duration of Bardley's leading position more explicit.
- 11. Use a countable comparison Original: had the least Suggested revision: recorded the fewest admissions Why it matters: Fewest is the precise comparative form for a countable number of admissions.
- 12. Capitalise the proper name Original: hospital Suggested revision: Hospital Why it matters: Hospital forms part of the institution's proper name in this construction.
Suggested Rewrites
- period given Bardley period shown, Bardley
- their its
- during the years given over the period
- more than halved fell by more than half
- Fortsmith weekly hospital admissions Weekly admissions at Fortsmith
- On the other hand Meanwhile
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is fluent, clearly organised, and gives an accurate overview and detailed comparisons for the hospital-admissions graph included with the materials. Its decisive limitation is that it does not address the stated task about consumption of three spreads, omitting every relevant series and trend from that chart. The highest-priority improvement is therefore to verify the assigned visual and report butter, margarine, and low-fat spread data rather than describing a different graph.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Although the hospital-admissions data are summarised accurately, the response does not address the stated spreads task and omits all of its key features.
Describe the consumption trends for butter, margarine, and low-fat spreads, including their peaks, declines, and final values.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a clear overview, logical grouping, effective paragraphing, and smooth progression throughout.
Preserve this structure while ensuring that every paragraph develops information from the assigned chart.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary for trends and comparisons is varied, precise, and generally natural, with only occasional slightly awkward phrasing.
Use the same lexical control with vocabulary tailored to spread consumption, such as peaked, declined, and overtook.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately, and the few minor lapses do not impede communication.
Refine occasional reference and collocation choices, such as singular agreement when referring to an individual hospital.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the consumption of three spreads from 1981 to 2007.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.