The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending.
Sample Response
The graphic below consists of a pie chart and a bar chart that provide information about the location and types of dance classes attended by young people in a town in Australia by age group.
Overall, private studios are the most common location for dance classes, whereas college-based studios make up only a small proportion of the total. Moreover, ballet was the most popular dance style among children under 11, whereas modern dance was preferred by those aged 11–16.
Looking at the class locations, private studios accounted for nearly half of all dance classes (48%), followed by school halls (after-school) constituting 24%. Meanwhile, community halls and other locations ranked third, representing 18%, while college-based studios comprised 10%.
For young people between 11 and 16 years old, modern dance classes were the most popular, with more than 500 students, followed by tap and ballet, representing 420 and 300 students respectively.
In contrast, young people under 11 years old followed a different pattern. Ballet classes ranked first, with more than 600 students, followed by tap with 450 students, whereas modern dance classes came last, recording 300 students.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Word choice Original: graphic Suggested revision: charts Why it matters: Using 'charts' is more precise than 'graphic' when referring to a pie chart and a bar chart.
- 2. Data accuracy Original: by age group. Suggested revision: , with the types categorized by age group. Why it matters: Only the bar chart showing types of dance classes is divided by age group, not the pie chart showing locations.
- 3. Grammar accuracy Original: constituting 24% Suggested revision: , which constituted 24% Why it matters: A relative clause flows better and separates the percentage figures more clearly.
- 4. Data accuracy Original: representing 420 Suggested revision: accounting for around 420 Why it matters: In the bar chart, tap dance for 11-16 year olds is slightly above 400, not exactly 420.
- 5. Data accuracy Original: 450 students Suggested revision: around 450 students Why it matters: The bar chart shows tap for under 11s is just under 450, so an approximate figure is more accurate.
- 6. Overview transition Original: Overall, Suggested revision: In summary, Why it matters: Starting the second sentence directly with an overview connector works well, but ensuring a separate paragraph for the overview enhances overall readability.
- 7. Data accuracy Original: 300 students respectively. Suggested revision: just under 300 students respectively. Why it matters: In the bar chart, ballet for the 11-16 age group is slightly under the 300 mark.
- 8. Data accuracy Original: more than 600 students Suggested revision: exactly 600 students Why it matters: The bar for ballet among under 11s aligns precisely with the 600 mark on the axis, not over it.
- 9. Data accuracy Original: recording 300 students. Suggested revision: recording just over 300 students. Why it matters: Modern dance for under 11s extends slightly beyond the 300 line on the chart.
- 10. Word choice Original: ranked Suggested revision: came Why it matters: 'Came third' or 'was the third most popular' is more natural when describing pie chart categories.
Suggested Rewrites
- graphic charts
- by age group. , with the types categorized by age group.
- constituting 24% , which constituted 24%
- representing 420 accounting for around 420
- 450 students around 450 students
- Overall, In summary,
Why this response received Band 8.0
The report provides a clear, accurate, and well-structured summary of both charts with a effective overview highlighting key trends. The data description is well-grouped and supported by precise figures throughout. To refine the response further, minor improvements can be made by making direct comparative statements between the two age groups rather than describing them in separate paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
All key features and proportions from both charts are accurately presented with a clear overall overview.
Integrate direct visual comparisons between the age categories within the same sentence to highlight contrasting preferences more dynamically.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically organized into dedicated paragraphs with effective linking devices ensuring smooth progression.
Vary referencing phrases slightly to avoid repeating 'followed by' across consecutive data paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied, precise, and well-suited to academic data reporting, demonstrating good control of collocations.
Incorporate additional synonymic phrases for class popularity and attendance to elevate lexical range further.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide variety of grammatical structures is used flexibly and with a consistently high level of accuracy.
Maintain this high standard while experimenting with complex participle clauses for even smoother data synthesis.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.