The charts below show the percentage of electricity consumed by different sectors in Eastern Australia in 2007 and 2010.
Sample Response
The pie charts illustrate electricity consumption by various fields in Eastern Australia in two year 2007 and 2010.
It is clear that the consumption of electricity from those sectors remained unchanged except for Aluminium, Manufacturing and Other metal fields over the period shown. Additionally, the figures for residential and commercial sectors were by far largest.
In 2007, residential areas consumed 28% of total electricity, while 23% of electricity was consumed for conmmercial purposes. There was 13% of electricity consumed by manufacturing and aluminium sector each, whereas the figures for other metals and mining were slightly lower, at 12% and 9% respectively. By contrast, electricity consumption from transport and agriculture made up only negligible figures.
In 2010, while the percentage of electricity consumed by other metals rose significantly by 6%, those of aluminum and manufacturing fields saw a slight fall to 11% and 9% respectively. Interesting, the proportions of electricity consumed by the other sectors were all as similar as initial figures.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use chart term Original: fields Suggested revision: sectors Why it matters: ‘Sectors’ is the precise term used for the categories in the charts.
- 2. Fix time phrase Original: in two year 2007 and 2010 Suggested revision: in the years 2007 and 2010 Why it matters: The plural noun and definite article are required when naming the two years.
- 3. Use category label Original: Other metal fields Suggested revision: Other metals Why it matters: The chart category is ‘Other metals’, rather than a type of field.
- 4. Add the article Original: by far largest Suggested revision: by far the largest Why it matters: A superlative adjective normally requires the definite article.
- 5. Correct spelling Original: conmmercial Suggested revision: commercial Why it matters: ‘Commercial’ is misspelled.
- 6. Describe shares clearly Original: made up only negligible figures Suggested revision: accounted for only negligible shares Why it matters: Sectors account for shares of consumption; they do not make up figures.
- 7. State unit precisely Original: rose significantly by 6% Suggested revision: rose by six percentage points Why it matters: Other metals increased from 12% to 18%, a change of six percentage points.
- 8. Clarify the reference Original: those of aluminum and manufacturing fields Suggested revision: the shares for aluminium and manufacturing Why it matters: The demonstrative ‘those’ lacks a clear grammatical antecedent in this clause.
- 9. Specify the measure Original: pie charts illustrate electricity consumption Suggested revision: pie charts illustrate the percentages of electricity consumed Why it matters: The charts show proportional shares rather than absolute electricity consumption.
- 10. Fix the preposition Original: from Suggested revision: by Why it matters: Electricity is consumed ‘by’ sectors, not ‘from’ them.
- 11. Name sector shares Original: the figures for residential and commercial sectors Suggested revision: the shares for the residential and commercial sectors Why it matters: ‘Shares’ precisely identifies the proportions represented by the pie segments.
- 12. Use category label Original: residential areas consumed 28% Suggested revision: the residential sector consumed 28% Why it matters: The chart labels this category as ‘Residential’, not as geographical areas.
Suggested Rewrites
- fields sectors
- in two year 2007 and 2010 in the years 2007 and 2010
- Other metal fields Other metals
- by far largest by far the largest
- conmmercial commercial
- made up only negligible figures accounted for only negligible shares
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response selects the main patterns accurately and efficiently, with a clear overview and generally correct figures for every sector. Its main limitation is imprecise language and grammar, including awkward sector descriptions and a percentage-point increase described simply as a percentage. Prioritize more natural data-reporting phrases and careful control of articles, plurals, and comparison structures while retaining the current concise coverage.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The overview identifies the dominant and changing sectors accurately, and the details provide sufficient, correct coverage of the chart data.
Describe the rise in other metals as six percentage points and explicitly state the small unchanged shares when space permits.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically organized by overview and year, and its progression is clear despite a few mechanical transitions.
Link the two years through direct comparisons rather than relying mainly on separate chronological descriptions.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate range for reporting proportions and change, but several collocations and word forms are awkward or inaccurate.
Prefer natural phrases such as sectors, accounted for, remained at, and compared with the initial figures.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a mix of sentence forms successfully, although article, plural, adverb, and comparison errors recur.
Proofread agreement and word forms, especially 'two years', 'the largest', 'Interestingly', and comparative structures.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The charts below show the percentage of electricity consumed by different sectors in Eastern Australia in 2007 and 2010.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.