The charts below show changes in the proportion of energy produced from different resources in a country in 1985 and 2003.
Sample Response
The rendered circular charts depict the information about the modifications which were occurred in the ratio of energy generated from different kinds of sources such as oil, natural gas, coal, nuclear, hydro and other renewable energy in a nation ranging from 1985 to 2003
Overall, it is lucid that the maximum proportion of power was produced from oil in both years, whereas other non-conventional sources were participating in less ratio to generate energy.
Having a deep look at the pie charts, it is evident that production of energy from oil was decreased by 13% in 2003, which was noticed for 59% in 1985. However, power produced from coal increased to two-fifth ratio. Just 1% power was generated from another non-conventional source, which was increased by the small change that was of 3% after 18 years.
Moving forward to the rest description of the circular charts, energy was produced from hydro in both years in the same proportion that was witnessed for 4%. In 1985, nuclear participated in producing 22%, which reduced and accounted for below one-tenth in 2003.13% and 23% noticed for production of energy from natural gas in 1985 and 2003, respectively.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural wording Original: lucid Suggested revision: clear Why it matters: 'It is clear' is the natural formal expression for introducing an overview.
- 2. Use accurate superlative Original: maximum Suggested revision: largest Why it matters: 'Largest proportion' is the standard collocation for the biggest share.
- 3. Fix comparison clause Original: other non-conventional sources were participating in less ratio to generate energy Suggested revision: each other source accounted for a smaller proportion of energy Why it matters: The replacement corrects the grammar and expresses the comparison clearly.
- 4. Use formal transition Original: Having a deep look Suggested revision: Turning to the details Why it matters: The original transition is conversational and unnatural in an academic report.
- 5. Use active change verb Original: production of energy from oil was decreased Suggested revision: the proportion of energy from oil decreased Why it matters: An intransitive change should be expressed with 'decreased' rather than 'was decreased'.
- 6. Use percentage points Original: by 13% Suggested revision: by 13 percentage points Why it matters: The share fell from 52% to 39%, a change of 13 percentage points.
- 7. Correct oil baseline Original: which was noticed for 59% in 1985 Suggested revision: from 52% in 1985 Why it matters: Oil accounted for 52% in 1985, not 59%.
- 8. Correct coal figure Original: increased to two-fifth ratio Suggested revision: increased to 22% Why it matters: Coal represented 22% in 2003 rather than two-fifths.
- 9. Add partitive phrase Original: 1% power Suggested revision: 1% of the power Why it matters: A percentage before a noun requires the partitive construction 'of the'.
- 10. Match category label Original: another non-conventional source Suggested revision: other renewable sources Why it matters: This wording matches the chart's 'other renewable' category.
- 11. Fix relative clause Original: which was increased Suggested revision: and this increased Why it matters: The category's share increased; the passive construction is inappropriate here.
- 12. State change directly Original: by the small change that was of 3% Suggested revision: by 3 percentage points Why it matters: The direct phrase clearly describes the rise from 1% to 4%.
Suggested Rewrites
- lucid clear
- maximum largest
- other non-conventional sources were participating in less ratio to generate energy each other source accounted for a smaller proportion of energy
- Having a deep look Turning to the details
- production of energy from oil was decreased the proportion of energy from oil decreased
- by 13% by 13 percentage points
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response gives a clear overview and covers every energy source, with several changes reported accurately, including natural gas, nuclear, hydro, and renewables. Its effectiveness is reduced by two conspicuous data errors for oil and coal, while frequent awkward grammatical and lexical choices make the description less precise. The priority is to verify all percentages and express changes through straightforward, controlled comparative sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The overview is relevant and most sources are covered accurately, but oil is misreported as 59% in 1985 and coal's 2003 share is wrongly described as two-fifths.
Check every percentage against the charts and highlight the largest rises and falls using exact start and end values.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure and movement from overview to details are clear, although formulaic transitions and some poorly connected clauses disrupt the flow.
Group increasing, decreasing, and unchanged sources more deliberately and use direct transitions that show the relationship between figures.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts varied language for proportions and change, but frequent unnatural collocations reduce precision and sophistication.
Replace expressions such as modifications which were occurred and noticed for with standard verbs such as changed, accounted for, rose, and fell.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of sentence forms is attempted, but passive constructions, missing verbs, punctuation, and clause formation are frequently inaccurate.
Use simpler complete sentences with controlled active verbs, and proofread carefully for sentence boundaries and required verb forms.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The charts below show changes in the proportion of energy produced from different resources in a country in 1985 and 2003.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.