The graph below shows the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie chart shows how electricity is used in an average English home.
Sample Response
The Demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer is illustrated in the graph. The use of electricity in an average English home is shown in the pie chart. From the graph it is generally obvious that the demand is in its maximum around 2100 in winter times and in its minimum around 400 being almost constant between 1200 and 2100 in winter times. During summer times on the other hand the demand reaches its top point around 1300 and the bottom point around 900 being almost constant between 1550 and 2000.
In wither times the curve gradually increases to reach 40000 units of electricity by 3 o’clock in the morning. This is followed by gradual decline to its lowest limit of 30000 units at 9 o’clock. A gradual rise is obvious again to reach a stationary level between 3 o’clock and 9 o’clock of about 40000 units again. Then there is a sharp rise in the next hour to reach its maximum before collapsing again to a lower level by the end of the day.
In summer time the curve gradually decrease to reach its lower limit around 9 o’clock of a bit more that 10000 units. A gradual increase is noticed to reach its top of 20000 after which a stationary phase is obvious between 3 o’clock and 10 o’clock at night of about 15000 units.
The pie chart on the other hand shows that 52.5% of the electricity is used for heating rooms and water. 17.5% is consumed for ovens kettles and washing machines 15% is used in lighting TV and radio and finally 15% is consumed in the sue of vacuum cleaners food mixtures and electric tools.
This answer would probably exceed Band 6.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use sentence-case noun Original: Demand Suggested revision: demand Why it matters: Demand is a common noun and does not require an initial capital here.
- 2. Punctuate contrast clearly Original: During summer times on the other hand Suggested revision: In summer, however, Why it matters: This concise transition needs commas to mark the contrast.
- 3. Use chart term Original: top point Suggested revision: peak Why it matters: Peak is the precise term for the highest point on a line graph.
- 4. Correct peak time Original: around 1300 Suggested revision: around 14:00 Why it matters: The first summer peak occurs at approximately 14:00 on the graph.
- 5. Correct low period Original: bottom point around 900 Suggested revision: lowest point between about 06:00 and 09:00 Why it matters: The summer curve is at its minimum across this early-morning period.
- 6. Complete the clause Original: being almost constant between 1550 and 2000 Suggested revision: and remains relatively stable between 15:00 and 20:00 Why it matters: A finite verb is needed, and the time range should follow a clear 24-hour format.
- 7. Correct winter phrase Original: In wither times Suggested revision: In winter Why it matters: Wither is a spelling error, and winter does not need times here.
- 8. Add missing article Original: followed by gradual decline Suggested revision: followed by a gradual decline Why it matters: The singular countable noun decline requires an article.
- 9. Use graph vocabulary Original: limit Suggested revision: point Why it matters: Lowest point is the natural term for the minimum shown on a graph.
- 10. Qualify the plateau Original: stationary level Suggested revision: relatively stable level Why it matters: The winter line remains near 40,000 units but rises slightly during this period.
- 11. Clarify afternoon times Original: between 3 o’clock and 9 o’clock Suggested revision: between 15:00 and 21:00 Why it matters: The graph uses a 24-hour scale, and this section occurs in the afternoon and evening.
- 12. Use neutral trend language Original: collapsing again Suggested revision: falling sharply Why it matters: Falling sharply is a more objective description of the final decline.
Suggested Rewrites
- Demand demand
- During summer times on the other hand In summer, however,
- top point peak
- around 1300 around 14:00
- bottom point around 900 lowest point between about 06:00 and 09:00
- being almost constant between 1550 and 2000 and remains relatively stable between 15:00 and 20:00
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response covers both visuals, reports all four household-use proportions correctly, and follows each seasonal curve in a generally logical order. The main limitation is an inaccurate and incomplete overview, especially the winter minimum time and the missing headline contrast that winter demand is roughly double summer demand. Prioritise a concise comparative overview, then edit recurring spelling, agreement, and punctuation errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Both visuals receive substantial coverage and the usage percentages are accurate, but the overview misplaces the winter minimum and does not highlight the much higher winter demand.
State the dominant comparison that winter demand is about twice summer demand, and identify the winter low at roughly 9:00 rather than 4:00.
Coherence and Cohesion
Separate paragraphs for the overview, each season, and household uses create a clear sequence, though some long sentences and repetitive linking make the flow mechanical.
Use shorter sentences for distinct turning points and reduce repeated frames such as a gradual rise is obvious and on the other hand.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient vocabulary for describing movement and consumption, but noticeable errors such as wither, sue, food mixtures, and lower limit weaken precision.
Use accurate chart terms and collocations, including winter, use, food mixers, lowest point, peak, and level off.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex structures, but recurring agreement, article, comparative, and punctuation errors are noticeable despite meaning remaining clear.
Check finite verbs and sentence boundaries, correcting forms such as the curve decreases, a gradual decline, and a bit more than 10,000 units.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie chart shows how electricity is used in an average English home.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.