The bar charts below give information about the railway system in six cities in Europe.
Sample Response
The bar chart provides information on railway systems in six capital cities in Europe namely Paris, Stockholm, Lisbon, Rome, Madrid and Berlin. Generally speaking, Paris has the oldest and longest railway system while Lisbon train system receives the greatest number of passengers per year. As far as the ages are concerned, Paris railway system was established earlier than railway systems in other cities. It was launched in 1863 while the Stockholm railway, firstborn among the remaining five, was inaugurated in 1900. Lisbon, Rome and Madrid's railways were established in 1927, 1976 and 1981 respectively. The latest locomotive, among the given cities, started in 2001 in Berlin. In terms of the route sizes, Paris has by far the longest railway route - 394 kilometres. This route is nearly twice than the train routes built in Stockholm and more than thrice than the length of rail tracks in Rome. Madrid, in contrast, has the shortest rail route which is only 11 kilometres. Considering the number of passengers these railway systems receive each year, Lisbon stands the first position with 1927 million passengers per year. Paris, despite being the oldest railway system, receives 775 million people in a year while Madrid serves the smallest number of train commuters, which is 45 million a year.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use the plural form Original: The bar chart Suggested revision: The bar charts Why it matters: The task contains two separate bar charts.
- 2. Add the possessive form Original: Lisbon train system Suggested revision: Lisbon's train system Why it matters: The possessive form is needed to show that the system belongs to Lisbon.
- 3. Use an appropriate comparison Original: firstborn among the remaining five Suggested revision: the oldest of the remaining five Why it matters: Firstborn describes people or offspring and is unsuitable for a railway system.
- 4. Identify the system correctly Original: The latest locomotive Suggested revision: The most recently opened railway system Why it matters: The chart dates railway systems, not individual locomotives.
- 5. Use the measured dimension Original: route sizes Suggested revision: route lengths Why it matters: The chart measures railway routes in kilometres, so length is the precise term.
- 6. Correct the multiplier form Original: nearly twice than Suggested revision: nearly twice as long as Why it matters: Twice requires the as...as comparison pattern here.
- 7. Fix the comparison structure Original: more than thrice than the length of rail tracks in Rome Suggested revision: more than three times the length of Rome's rail tracks Why it matters: Three times the length of is the standard grammatical multiplier structure.
- 8. Use the correct collocation Original: stands the first position Suggested revision: ranks first Why it matters: Ranks first is the natural expression for Lisbon's leading position.
- 9. Describe passenger volume Original: receives 775 million people in a year Suggested revision: carries 775 million passengers per year Why it matters: Rail systems carry passengers rather than receive people.
- 10. Punctuate namely correctly Original: Europe namely Suggested revision: Europe, namely, Why it matters: Namely is parenthetical here and should be set off with commas.
- 11. Use a transport verb Original: receives the greatest number Suggested revision: carries the greatest number Why it matters: A railway system carries passengers rather than receives them.
- 12. Name the measure precisely Original: As far as the ages are concerned Suggested revision: Regarding their opening dates Why it matters: The chart gives years of establishment rather than the systems' ages directly.
Suggested Rewrites
- The bar chart The bar charts
- Lisbon train system Lisbon's train system
- firstborn among the remaining five the oldest of the remaining five
- The latest locomotive The most recently opened railway system
- route sizes route lengths
- nearly twice than nearly twice as long as
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is easy to follow and identifies the principal extremes across opening dates, route length, and annual passengers, using several accurate comparisons. Its main limitation is incomplete coverage of the middle passenger and route figures, alongside recurring unnatural expressions and comparative forms. Prioritise adding one or two meaningful comparisons involving Stockholm, Rome, and Berlin while using precise railway vocabulary and standard comparison structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The overview is accurate and the principal extremes are reported, but several notable intermediate route and passenger figures are omitted.
Add comparisons involving Stockholm’s passenger total and the route or passenger figures for Rome and Berlin.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report progresses logically through opening dates, route lengths, and passenger numbers with clear section-level transitions.
Strengthen presentation by placing the overview and each related set of details in distinct paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied, but expressions such as firstborn railway, latest locomotive, and stands the first position lack precision.
Use accurate railway collocations such as opened, newest system, route length, and carried the most passengers.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied complex sentences are generally clear, although article, possessive, and comparative-form errors occur repeatedly.
Use standard comparisons such as nearly twice as long as and just over three times the length of.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The bar charts below give information about the railway system in six cities in Europe.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.