The bar charts below give information about the railway system in six cities in Europe.
Sample Response
The diagrams present information on six railways in six European cities. Overall, Paris has the oldest and largest rail system while Lisbon serves the highest number of train commuters. According to the illustration, Paris railway was established in 1863 and it now has around 400 km routes. Stockholm, the second oldest and second largest train system, was built in 1900 and expands it route to around 200 km. Lisbon and Rome train systems were inaugurated in 1927 and 1976 respectively. They have rail tracks of 155 and 126 km consecutively. Madrid has the smallest rail tracks, only 11 km, and they came into existence in 1981. Berlin train system was introduced as recently as 2001 and it has 28 km route in total. Lisbon train station serves the largest number of commuters per year - almost 200 million. Nearly half of these train passengers travel in Stockholm while Paris, despite having the oldest and largest train system, facilitates only 775 million people per year. Rome with its 144 million yearly passengers serves almost three times higher travellers than that of Madrid and Berlin train authorities.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add definite article Original: Paris railway Suggested revision: the Paris railway Why it matters: A specific city's railway system needs the definite article here.
- 2. Fix distance phrase Original: 400 km routes Suggested revision: 400 km of routes Why it matters: Use ‘of’ when the distance measures the total extent of the routes.
- 3. Correct verb and pronoun Original: expands it route to Suggested revision: extends for Why it matters: The original phrase has an incorrect possessive and an unsuitable verb form.
- 4. Add opening article Original: Lisbon and Rome train systems Suggested revision: The Lisbon and Rome train systems Why it matters: The two specific systems require a definite article at the start of the sentence.
- 5. Use route-length term Original: rail tracks of Suggested revision: route lengths of Why it matters: The chart measures the total route length rather than individual tracks.
- 6. Use respective pairing Original: consecutively Suggested revision: respectively Why it matters: ‘Respectively’ correctly pairs the two cities with their two route lengths.
- 7. Describe shortest network Original: the smallest rail tracks Suggested revision: the shortest rail network Why it matters: A network is described as shortest by total route length, not as the smallest tracks.
- 8. Fix singular reference Original: they came into existence Suggested revision: it came into existence Why it matters: The pronoun should refer to Madrid's singular railway system.
- 9. Add definite article Original: Berlin train system Suggested revision: The Berlin train system Why it matters: This specific system requires ‘the’ at the beginning of the sentence.
- 10. Add route article Original: 28 km route Suggested revision: a 28 km route Why it matters: The singular countable noun ‘route’ requires an article.
- 11. Name correct entity Original: train station Suggested revision: railway system Why it matters: The chart reports passengers for Lisbon's whole railway system, not one station.
- 12. Correct Lisbon figure Original: per year - almost 200 million Suggested revision: per year—1,927 million Why it matters: The passenger chart gives Lisbon's annual total as 1,927 million.
Suggested Rewrites
- Paris railway the Paris railway
- 400 km routes 400 km of routes
- expands it route to extends for
- Lisbon and Rome train systems The Lisbon and Rome train systems
- rail tracks of route lengths of
- consecutively respectively
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response gives a clear overview and covers both route length and annual passenger use, with accurate chronology and most route figures. Its main weakness is numerical accuracy in the passenger chart: Lisbon is shown at 1,927 million, not almost 200 million, and Stockholm is well over half that figure. Prioritise checking units and values against both charts before forming comparisons.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The overview identifies the principal route and passenger features, and most city data are covered, but Lisbon's passenger figure is severely understated and the Stockholm comparison is inaccurate.
Verify the passenger scale and report Lisbon at 1,927 million and Stockholm at 1,191 million before comparing them with the other cities.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report progresses logically from system age and route length to passenger numbers, although the single paragraph and some loose references weaken cohesion.
Use separate paragraphs for route data and passenger data, with each comparison attached clearly to the city and measure it describes.
Lexical Resource
There is enough railway vocabulary to convey the data, but recurring collocation errors such as "expands it route," "facilitates people," and "higher travellers" reduce precision.
Use conventional reporting phrases such as "has a route length of," "serves passengers," and "three times as many passengers as."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures is attempted, but errors in articles, possessives, agreement, and comparison forms recur throughout the report.
Check every noun phrase and comparison for articles, plural forms, possessives, and complete structures before finalising the response.
Use this task for your next draft
Feedback is more useful when you actively apply it in a draft, rather than only recognising improvements on the page.
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.
The question will be loaded automatically.